Is there any particular reason why a man would choose not to go down on a woman, EVER? I dont particularly like going down on my boyfriend of seven months, but I do it because I love him and I know its something he enjoys. Plus, I dont want him to cheat on me. Were both in our 30s and Im getting a little sick of his selfishness he loves it when I do it, but never returns the favor. Do I need to bribe him or what?
Gagging in Georgia
If youre giving him head to keep him from wandering, I cant imagine what youre doing to keep him from leaving. Listen, Our Lady of the Kneepads, your boyfriend apparently has a three-word philosophy: I, Me, Mine. And yours, unfortunately, is He, Him, His.
Hes being a pig, honey, but youre eating the bacon. One of the basic elements of good sex is reciprocity and you guys have none. How you can suck his dick like there was an antidote in it and then let him take a pass on you is beyond comprehension.
The fundamental issue isnt that he doesnt want to go down on you; its that he cares so little about your pleasure. Assuming youre like most women who cant orgasm with penetration alone (up to two-thirds of all women), hes basically saying he doesnt care whether or not you orgasm. Ouch.
There are three things to keep in mind about your sexual standoff:
1) Your boyfriend has the right to say no, but he also has the obligation to try. Every couple has to decide where they are between these two goal posts. Strike a balance between your desires and his reservations.
2) If hes obligated to try, youre obligated to please. Meaning, you have to make it easier for him to do what you want. Find out what turns him off about going down on you and suggest ways to get around it.
3) Never try anything once. Try it three times. Because the first time youll get it wrong, the second time itll feel strange, and the third time it might feel good.
When guys dont want to go down on girls, their objections usually fall under one of these categories:
The bakerys putting out a foul odor. The body grows accustomed to its own odors so you may not even be aware that youre perfuming the bedroom with Lysols Fish Fry scent. Is it something a bath can take care of, or do you have bacterial vaginosis? About 64 percent of women get this infection at some point. Get thee to a doctor and check it out.
Keep his tongue on the doughnut; not on the hole. Even if you smell like a florist, there are some guys who just plain dont like going down on women. But thats normally because they focus on the vagina rather than the clitoris. Which is a little like a woman focusing her attention on a mans scrotum rather than his penis. Yeah, it feels good, but you cant get to the detonation from there.
Too much hair. A lot of guys dont want to wind up flossing down there. Are you willing to do a little landscaping?
Hes ashamed and insecure. Maybe hes been ridiculed for his deplorable, I-want-my-money-back oral. He might not know what to do down there, so show him. If you want to be lit up like a stadium scoreboard, you gotta referee the game.
Lovers do certain things for each other, even if they dont like it. As comedian Adam Carolla once said, Sex is 90 percent because it feels good and 10 percent because you gotta prove that you love me.
Your boyfriends got a whole lotta provin to do.
Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? E-mail him at Sexorcist@creativeloafing.com. Midtown resident Mike Alvear hosts HBOs The Sex Inspectors, blogs at mikealvear.com and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand