Music-themed toys (not) for tots - 11/17/2009

That cat Santa? Yeah, he was a big ol’ pimp.

According to a trusted source (Wikipedia), Saint Nicholas of Myra was the dude who served as “the primary inspiration for the Christian figure of Santa Claus.” Apparently, he earned his cake daddy rep after gifting dowries to a destitute Christian’s three daughters to keep them from resorting to prostitution. Guess that would also explain how he stumbled upon his famed greeting: “Ho. Ho. Ho.”

It’s been music to our ears ever since. Each year around this time, we get our bells in a jingle trying to beat jolly ol’ St. Nick at his own game. To lend a helping hand, we’ve rounded up a few music-themed gifts for you to freak the music fetishist in your life.

Mazel Tov.

GG Allin Throbblehead

$23.99

Nothing says Merry Hanukwanzmas like a limited-edition GG Allin Throbblehead action figure. Note how the blood splatter on the forehead, the prison-style tattoos and fecal matter smeared across the body of this 7-inch figurine are rendered with exquisite detail. The “Eat Me” tighty-whities date this rendition of Allin around 1991, just prior to his release from prison. Made of a lightweight polyresin, the grimy, punk rock effigy is sure to bring joy to the hearts of anyone who receives the merchandizing gem as a gift. But it’s probably one of those toys you’ll want to keep hidden away when grandma, grandpa and the in-laws come over for eggnog. Explaining GG Allin to the squares doesn’t make for good holiday banter. Act fast: There are only 2,000 of these little guys in circulation, making this plastic immortalization of GG Allin extra special. Available at www.amazon.com.

Soundclash Skateboards

$47.97

Though skateboarding was once the exclusive domain of greasy-haired white guys making homoerotic jokes and listening to rock music, it has diversified to accommodate the urban market in recent years. In fact, a company out of Orange County, Calif., called Soundclash sells hip-hop-themed skateboard decks featuring your favorite underground, indie and emo rappers. As Yakov Smirnoff would say, “What a country!” The boards feature original airbrushed art of performers who aren’t quite household names, including Houston stoner Devin the Dude, group Living Legends (Murs, the Grouch, etc.) and introspective Inglewood, Calif., rhymer Pigeon John. The company was co-founded by La Habra, Calif., MC Awol One, an avid skater himself, who began constructing them with his roommate out of his garage. “It’s not a big-time thing, but it’s some grassroots shit, and people are hyped on it,” he told me recently, adding that MCs themselves are particularly psyched to get the rock star treatment. For ordering info, contact info@soundclashskateboards.com or visit www.undergroundhiphop.com.

Michael Jackson: Before He Was King

Photos by Todd Gray

Michael

From the Editors of Rolling Stone

If the nonstop media coverage of Michael Jackson’s death isn’t enough to please that certain someone in your life, why not give the gift that keeps giving this year with a choice of two photo books covering Jacko’s career. Michael Jackson: Before He Was King ($29.95, Chronicle Books), presents 100 color and black-and-white images taken by photographer Todd Gray between 1974 and 1983. Gray chronicles MJ’s journey from awkward pre-pubescence – full nose, puffy Afro and all – up through the “Beat It” video. He captures Jackson’s rise to superstardom, leading up to the peak of “Thriller‘“s success and his ascendancy to the throne as the king of pop.

The second book, simply titled Michael ($29.99, Harper Studio), comes from the editors of Rolling Stone who take a critical look at Jackson’s highs and lows through hard-hitting essays and images that span the singer’s life and death. It’s not an entirely flattering story, as the pages sprawl over images of Jackson’s childhood to the pale-faced adult, his nose diminished, glaring at the camera. Tributes from the likes of Stevie Wonder, Quincy Jones, Martin Scorsese and others underscore Jackson’s truly human side. And an annotated guide to Jackson’s 60 top-40 singles explains why the world is as obsessed with him after his death as it was during his life.

Numark PT-01 Portable Turntable

$149.99

To use the parlance of our times, everybody’s talking about buying “vinyls” these days. If you’re the type who scours thrift stores, yard sales, used-record shops and flea markets, then you know the guessing games that come along with crate-digging: Will this copy of Hall & Oates’ H2O skip during “Maneater”? Is this Boston record any good? What the heck does Zager & Evans sound like? The portable Numark can help answer these questions, and save you from spending $1 on that scratched-up copy of the Top Gun soundtrack. Simply plug your headphones into this laptop version of the home stereo, drop the needle on the record and give it a spin. Most Goodwill employees will leave you alone if you keep to yourself and look like you know what you’re doing. The Numark is also handy for DJ emergencies, camping trips, power outages or when visiting your less cultured friends who don’t have a turntable of their own. Available at www.numark.com

Notorious B.I.G. action figures

$30

Though many would be loathe to admit it, dedicated hip-hop heads are every bit as nerdy as Star Trek dorks and comic book collectors. They have often transferred the sports star and superhero worship of their youth into rapper deification in adulthood. That’s what makes MC action figures so popular among rap fans of all generations, and you’re not going to find a 9-inch plastic figurine more essential to collections than Notorious B.I.G. Mezco Toyz – which sells miniatures of everything from Hellboy to “gangsta babies” wearing doo-rags and bling – offers five different Christopher Wallaces, each bearing props and clad in carefully replicated attire. From “Juicy”-era Biggie to a Biggie that looks fresh from his Notorious biopic, the various figures come with Bad Boy jerseys, pea coats, canes, cigars, gold chains and mics. Mix and match, Mr. Potato Head-style! See www.mezcotoyz.com for details. Consult eBay if sold out.