Never a dull moment 

But first I gotta psay psorry

Last year, a coalition of environmentally minded religious groups put together a controversial ad campaign posing the question, "What would Jesus drive?" Even though Jesus is a Jew and a senior citizen, surprisingly the answer is not Cadillac Deville or Lincoln Town Car. The question doesn't really have one answer. It's simply meant to remind consumers and the Big Three that the Big One isn't happy about our gas guzzling, pollution-spewing, Earth-trashing ways.

Last Wednesday evening, Rev. Jim Ball, the lead spokesman for WWJDrive, drove his electric hybrid Toyota Pious -- I mean, Prius -- to Trinity Presbyterian Church on Howell Mill Road to talk about why driving the least polluting car is the obvious duty of Christians. Preceding his thoughtful and compelling argument was a hilarious skit authored and performed by a children's group called Kids Against Pollution. In the skit, a bible-toting Jesus and his disciples debated how best to travel. Judas argued for SUVs, particularly those with GPS navigation systems, while others in the group suggested public transport. They finally settled on riding bicycles -- a fine choice, but a potentially painful one for sandal wearers.

Cuts like a knife: I owe CL readers an apology this week. I skipped a homerun of an event Saturday morning -- the 9 a.m. "Step Into My Skin" psoriasis seminar with Jerry Mathers (star of "Leave It to Beaver" and psoriasis patient) -- because I was too sleepy. A picture of me and the Beav would've made a great Father's Day gift. And a picture of Mathers over the caption, "JERRY MATHERS AT PSORIASIS SEMINAR: Itchy Beaver" would have made a fine addition to this column. Sorry I let you down.

To make up for it, and perhaps find a suitable gift for my father, I headed to the Cobb Galleria Centre on Sunday for Warfair 2003 and the 2003 Blade Show and International Cutlery Fair. In the spirit of jumbo shrimp, Warfair bills itself as the "Largest Miniature Gaming Convention in the Southeast." It was indeed both big and small -- featuring lots of tables set up as miniature battlefields. My favorite was the battlefield manned by Space Marines, little "Ninja Turtles meets Fantastic Four's The Thing"-looking warriors that, if you believe the accompanying literature, are humanity's ultimate warriors.

For those interested in a more hi-tech experience, Dragon Computers & Gaming had a network of PCs set up where I saw a man and several boys playing Battlefield. Their simulated mission -- landing in France on D-Day. The convention was winding down, so I didn't get to see them liberate fake Paris.

A few doors down at the Blade Show, I skipped the workshops ("How To Grind," "Knives of Operation Iraqi Freedom," "Bladesmithing For Kids," "Rambo & Me," etc.) and instead did my best to look at and handle as many knifes as I could. The nicest blades I saw were on the knives made by Ishida Industrial Co. The company's engineer, a soft-spoken man named Hiroshi Hanada, demonstrated his product's durability by hacking away at ultra-hard bamboo. He kept getting embarrassed when people asked him how much his knives cost ($450 for a four-inch folding knife). "We need to make a cheaper knife," he kept saying.

One of the knife industry's more iconic figures, Lynn Thompson, president of the Cold Steel knife company, was also in attendance. I wanted to talk to him, but couldn't think of anything to say. At his booth were two TVs showing how his knives are a superb defense against attacks by phone books, tanned leather, cardboard cutouts of men, dangling ropes and car hoods. Sucker that I am, I bought two.

Puttin on the Ritz: To celebrate the approximate centenary of The Crackers, Georgia's first baseball team with an epithetic name, a group of city dignitaries gathered in Piedmont Park last Saturday to put on old-style uniforms and play a little baseball. Herroner Mayor Shirley Franklin played, as did Charles "Green Street Properties" Brewer, Arthur "St. Tropez Tan" Blank. Some guy from the local Federal Reserve whose name I don't know participated as well. I didn't recognize him myself, but Scene & Herd Recurring Character Matt Gove -- who, incidentally, caught a foul ball and sweetly handed it to the boy standing next to him -- pointed him out.

Incidentally, Cox Newspapers President Jay Smith pitched and gave up a grand slam. Ha!

In the P'zone: Shaun Doty's latest food event, all-you-can-eat pizza Sundays at his new MidCity Cuisine, is Doty's best food event since, well, his last one: Creation dinners at Mumbo Jumbo. Pizza night lacks Creation's art and music spectacle, but dammit, it's got pizza -- really good pizza. What more could you want? So what if nothing funny or strange happened. It's still pizza. Pizza is event-worthy.

Balls of fire: Cradle of Love is not only a hit Billy Idol song glorifying pedophilia, it's also a Marietta-based non-profit adoption agency. The organization and its supporters threw a $25-per-ticket fundraiser last Wednesday at Andrews Upstairs to help fund its mission of finding good homes for kids in need.

The crowd was young, attractive and gainfully employed-looking. The main activities included drinking, eating and flirting with young, attractive and gainfully employed-looking people. And a silent auction. One of the items up for auction was a hair coloring treatment at a salon. The high bidder (when I looked) was someone named Amy Tan, who may or may not have been the same Amy Tan who authored The Joy Luck Club. I started to scan the room for her, but then I remembered I don't know what she looks like.



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