Not all lubes are created equal 

And nine other considerations for the sexually active

Page 2 of 2

5. On Gaslighting: Women, you're not "crazy," and don't let men convince you otherwise

"Geez," he says, "you're so sensitive." Or, "You gotta relaaaxxxx." Sound familiar, ladies? Gaslighting, or when a jerk psychologically manipulates a situation to make the other person come off as crazy, is a form of emotional abuse and dismissal of feelings that most, if not all, women have experienced at the hands of a man at some point in their lives. Gaslighting is not necessarily gender specific, but women undeniably have a longer history of being deemed overemotional and "hysterical" by society than men ever have. A woman should be able to stand up for herself, voice her opinion or frustrations, and have a conversation with a man without him flipping the script and dismissing her feelings as unfounded.

4. Does size really matter?

A man posted this question on Reddit a few weeks ago, adding, "Or is this something women tell men to make them feel better about themselves?" In my experience, a man being on the larger side does not guarantee quality sexing. Some of the best sex partners I've had were on the smaller side physically, but managed to deliver great orgasmic result. Urban myths and porn stars aside, the average erect penis length is somewhere between 5.1 to 5.7 inches. Research has also concluded that a man's girth, not his length, is what greater impacts a woman's sexual satisfaction (wider being considered better), but there is no average guaranteed to bring women vaginal pleasure. Of course, female size matters, too, except we're kinda like a one-size-fits-all scenario (body size withstanding), our vaginal muscles expanding and contracting when necessary. It takes approximately 30 minutes of foreplay before a woman is aroused to the point of vaginal relaxation, so if your lady feels extra tight, you haven't done your job of turning her on. Whether a man or a woman, the best way to guarantee sexual satisfaction is to familiarize yourself with you and your partner's body, each other's desires, and realizing that sex isn't just a round of the ol' in-out, in-out.

3. The G-spot is not the light at the end of the tunnel

While deep thrusts certainly have their pleasurable purpose, whenever I've encountered a man who does the cliché jackhammer thrust I cannot help but wonder if he thinks a woman's G-spot is a stargate to orgasm heaven located by her cervix. A woman's G-spot is about two inches inside the vagina facing north toward her belly button. To find a woman's sweet spot, insert your index finger into the woman in a "come hither" motion, reaching as far deep as your second knuckle. The texture of a woman's G-spot is not smooth like a woman's vaginal walls, but instead a ribbed, cushion-like sponge. For many women, stimulation of the G-spot is what allows them to have a vaginal (versus clitoral) orgasm, as that spongy tissue has a complex grouping of nerves. Stimulation of the G-spot can also result in a woman ejaculating, or as it's known colloquially, squirt.

2. Kegels: Exercise for your penis or vagina

Did you ever hear the one about that hooker that someone somewhere saw shoot ping-pong balls out of her vagina? Yeah, that's the result of kegels, or exercises that help strengthens a person's pelvic floor muscles. Most commonly associated as a vagina exercise for women, kegels can help both sexes have better control of their sex organs and ejaculation, as well as enhance orgasmic intensity for both the person and his or her partner. It is suggested that men and women do several rounds of exercise a week (or day), and takes only about five to 10 minutes per round. So how do you do a kegel exercise? Hold your PC (pubococcygeus) muscles as hard as you can and then release. Vary the routine from holding the PC muscles for five to 10 seconds, up to 30 seconds — even up to a minute. How do you know if you're holding your PC muscle? The best way for the unfamiliar: Next time you need to release your bladder, contract your pelvic muscles to stop your stream. Congratulations, you just did a kegel exercise. Keep up the routine and next time try the contraction while having sex and see if your partner notices any difference. Women can tighten and flex themselves around their man's member, while for men it's more about ejaculate control and being able to stay harder for longer. Kegels are also good for men to stave off erectile dysfunction during the aging process.

1. You're not straight or gay, you're human

There's no such thing as straight or gay. Sexuality is a gray, sliding scale. It's not as simple as straight or gay or bi or trans. See: Dr. Alfred Kinsey's Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale. According to one of the grandfathers of sexuality research and founder of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, humans do not exist exclusively as one defined sexual preference, instead most of us live somewhere in the middle of a seven-point scale with zero defined as "exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual" and six defined as "exclusively homosexual." There's a whole world that exists deep in the marrow between all societally appointed terms and it's perfectly OK, normal, and reasonable if you can't or don't want to pick a term or desire, because the truth is all that marrow is too mushy and beautiful to distinguish. To quote Margaret Cho: "I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized ... I'm just slutty."

Follow on and Twitter at @areyoushaved.

Comments (17)

Showing 1-17 of 17

Add a comment

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-17 of 17

Add a comment

Latest in Are You Shaved?

More by Melysa Martinez

Restaurant Review: Bread & Butterfly
Restaurant Review: Bread & Butterfly

Search Events

  1. I had sex at a swingers club and liked it 53

    Our sex columnist says goodbye to Atlanta, but not before visiting a swingers club
  2. Can hypnosis bring you to sexual climax? 9

    Let's order quesadillas and find out
  3. Train your trunk to fit his junk 23

    Back Door Gal is sick of changing her panties three times a day

Recent Comments

© 2016 Creative Loafing Atlanta
Powered by Foundation