On the prowl 

Have a Nice Day Café
3095 Peachtree Road, 404-261-8898

Service to humanity: A blast to a past when all songs were refreshingly familiar

If this club were a movie: The A Night at the Roxbury guys try to teach the Revenge of the Nerds cast how to pick up women -- and succeed

Fashions torn from pages of: 30-year-old issues of GQ and Vogue

Preferred poison: A fishbowl that holds the equivalent of five drinks, $14

What you need to get laid: Dance lessons from John Travolta

Music: "YMCA" twice. In an hour.

Coming from: Watching Austin Powers

Going to: Bellbottoms

Johnny's Hideaway
3771 Roswell Road, 404-233-8026

Service to humanity: For those whose dancing days didn't end with the first gray hair

If this club were a movie: Dirty Dancing meets Cocoon

Fashion statements: Animal print pant suits, golf shirts

What you need to get lucky: Good merengue moves

Parked in front: Cadillacs, Buick LeSabres, the odd Mercedes.

Male/Female ratio: 3:2

Cleavage quotient: Refreshingly modest

You'll only find it here: Elvis' red jumpsuit behind glass

Music: Chris DeBurgh's "Lady in Red," Kool & the Gang's "Fresh," Roy Orbison's "Pretty Woman."

Coming from: Home

Going to: Bed

American Pie
5840 Roswell Road, 404-255-7571

Service to humanity: As yet undetermined

If this club were a movie: Coyote Ugly meets MTV's "Real World" with casting by Jerry Springer

What it takes to get in: $5 (does not include penicillin)

Prime attractions: Miles of bare midriffs

Fashions torn from pages of: Guys: Field and Stream, girls: Frederick's of Hollywood catalog

What you need to get laid: Pick the right ass and it's yours

Cleavage quotient: Bustin' out

Male/Female ratio: 7:3

You'll only find it here: "Rate your Rack" contest

Music: Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel the Noize"

Coming from: Frat house

Going to: Commit sin

Chaos
3067 Peachtree Road, 404-995-0064

Service to humanity: Exit Atlanta, enter L.A.

If this club were a movie: Less Than Zero with a twist of The Last Days of Disco

Lamest pick-up line: "So, are you only a techno dancer when you're rolling, or what?"

What you need to get laid: Drugs in your pocket, and a girl on each arm

Coming from: Mango's

Going to: Uranus

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