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Comedian Doug Stanhope

You make your own Christianity. That's what people do. If you had just never heard of the Bible ... let's say they put it on the back of fucking Captain Crunch, how quick would you recognize that as true? Would you go, "Hey, this is exactly what I was looking for! Yeah, the fucking flood and the Ark ... this sounds incredibly true!" You'd throw it in the trash, would you not? That's why they have to pump it in your head when you're still little, and you've got a soft spot, and you're Santa-Claus eligible ... and they cork it with fear, and you go, "Well, I'm not hardcore," and you make your own Christianity.

– Comedian Doug Stanhope, who brings his "Utterly Pointless Comedy" to the Earl Sat., Aug. 9

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