Rappers' Grills Hide Fangs!

Atlanta’s own Lil Jon sports bling on his teeth and gives a big smile. But the gold, platinum and diamond caps may not be just a way to show off that he’s crunk full of money!

Paranormal psychologist Vltavay Vandalay says rappers wear jeweled “grills” to hide their true nature — as vampires!

Vandalay, a native of Indiana and an intern with the U.S. Paranormal, Extraterrestrial and Non-Normal Investigation Squad, claims the bloodsucking undead have been running rampant in the rap world since the debut of “Rappers Delight” — and they use “blinged out” teeth to hide their fangs!

“Rappers used to file them down with emery boards,” says Vandalay. “If you look at those early Too Short album covers, you’ll see he was missing a lot of teeth. That’s because he filed too hard. Once they got rich, they tossed the files and picked up diamonds.”

Vandalay learned of the hip-hop horror while working as a background dancer for the Ying Yang Twins. One night after dropping “it” to “Get Low,” she partied with the Twins backstage and noticed D-Roc didn’t cast a reflection in his dressing room mirror!

“He could have sucked me dry right on the spot,” the groupie-turned-psychic remembers. “But instead, he just sat me down and told me the long, dark history of undead rappers. I ran my ass home, moved, switched sexes and changed my name to something that wouldn’t attract much attention. Now I’ve dedicated my life to helping PENIS penetrate this crisis.”


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