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Scribble rage 

In the Poncey-Highland area, a white-bearded man in a checkered shirt was hurling garbage cans onto Ralph McGill Boulevard. The bearded man stomped from yard to yard while screaming violently as he grabbed trash cans and tossed them into the street. A neighbor shouted that he was going to call the police and the white-bearded man ran toward Freedom Park.

A cop found the bearded man on Williams Mill Road. The bearded man was "dragging large fallen tree branches into the roadway and throwing large broken pieces of concrete curb in the roadway," the officer wrote. "He rambled something to me about how he was just trying to help."

The officer asked the man for his name. Apparently, the officer had forgotten his trusty note pad, so he scribbled the name on his own hand. Outraged and stunned, the bearded man yelled, "That's what note pads are for!" The man shut down and refused to talk or give any more biographical information since the officer didn't have a note pad to write on. Plus, the bearded man kicked the cop in the calf as he went to jail for disorderly conduct.

Feel the force

A troublemaker nicknamed "Pure Energy" could not stay away from the Morehouse College campus. Pure Energy wears red-framed glasses and black clothing. Recently, Pure Energy got into brouhaha at a gas station across from Morehouse's B.T. Harvey football stadium. The clerk accused Pure Energy of selling marijuana outside his store and demanded that Pure Energy leave immediately. Pure Energy refused to go, so the clerk took out his cell phone and videotaped Pure Energy as he tried to sell pot to the next customer. According to the police report, once the transaction was complete, "Pure Energy then attacked the clerk in an attempt to take his cell phone." Pure Energy punched the clerk's face several times, causing small cuts and bruises. Then Pure Energy fled on foot.

An Atlanta cop and a Morehouse cop arrived on the scene. They wanted evidence that this was the work of Pure Energy, so they reviewed the clerk's cell phone video. "After viewing the camera footage, it was concluded that the suspect is Mr. Pure Energy," the Atlanta cop wrote. The Morehouse cop instantly recognized Pure Energy from previous arrests.

Pure Energy is still at large. The clerk is willing to prosecute Pure Energy if anyone can track him down.

One bitch move deserves another

In East Atlanta, a 39-year-old woman wanted to call her wife in California and wish her a happy birthday. Her desire to call her wife did not go over well with the 39-year-old's live-in girlfriend. (They share a home on Flat Shoals Road.) The women got into a huge verbal spat — the 39-year-old really wanted to wish her wife a happy birthday and the live-in girlfriend was outraged that her partner would even consider such a betrayal. The 39-year-old decided to tweak her plan — she'd walk down the street to an East Atlanta gas station and call her wife from there with her cell phone. Her live-in girlfriend stomped after her. As soon as the 39-year-old dialed her wife, her girlfriend snatched the cellphone from her hands and used the cellphone to smack her partner's face and legs. The enraged girlfriend kept yelling into the cell phone, "WHO IS THIS? WHO IS THIS?"

In a final bitch move, the wife-calling woman decided to call the cops on her live-in girlfriend for smacking her face with her cell phone. The live-in girlfriend ran away before cops arrived, so she put out a warrant for her live-in girlfriend. Hope the call was worth it.

Dillydally bandit

A man returned to his Beecher Circle home and realized he'd been robbed. Apparently, the bandit enjoyed a mini-staycation. The bandit "took the time to eat a pack of cookies and drink a soda" from the refrigerator, the cop noted. Also, "the suspect even took a shower or bath in the bathtub." The lazy bandit left behind a sock in the bathroom, which was turned in as evidence. Items reported stolen: an iPhone, dozens of gold necklaces, earrings and bracelets, three Michael Kors watches, and eight bottles of liquor.

Location frustration

At a posh hotel in Midtown, a guest woke up when she heard a loud noise at 4 a.m. The guest freaked out when she found a man passed out in the elevator lobby area on the 14th floor. A security guard arrived and woke up the drunk man (a 34-year-old from Lakeville, Minn.) The man insisted that he was a registered guest with a hotel room on the 14th floor. Then "he vomited on himself and the floor," the officer wrote. After wiping the vomit from his mouth, the man said he was a guest at the Renaissance Atlanta Midtown hotel. Problem: The man was actually six blocks from the Renaissance hotel. Even after the cop explained that he was not at the Renaissance, the man "would not leave because he was convinced he was at the correct hotel." He went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge.

White goo mystery

A woman's black BMW was vandalized outside of her apartment on Redwine Road. "The vehicle contained a sticky white substance that appeared to be gum or egg," the reporting officer noted. The smear of sticky white stuff "went in a straight line from the driver's side of vehicle from front to back, and also several spots on the hood." The woman said she recently had a spat with an ex-lover but she wasn't sure if he'd smear her car. She refused to reveal her ex's name to police. "She stated that she was just going to leave it in the hands of God."

Conception conjecture

A 30-year-old man who works at a restaurant on Marietta Boulevard called police because his ex-girlfriend keeps coming into the restaurant saying she's going to leave the baby there so he could take care of it. The man told the officer that he's not the baby's father because they used extra protection during the time they were having sex.

The officer talked to the ex-girlfriend to get her side of the story. She said she's not harassing the guy, she just wants him to take care of their baby. She insists that he is the baby daddy because they had sex plenty of times without protection.

The officer didn't really know what to do because no one had broken a law. The officer couldn't arrest anyone. So he just wrote up their baby story in a police report. "Upon my taking the report, they both went their separate ways."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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