See & Do 

Better than digital cable

Live Music
All-Access Pass
All day, all access, all ... classical. The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra presents the third annual SYMPHONY CELEBRATION OCT. 18, a rare opportunity for music lovers, families, friends and zealous orchestra groupies to explore the inner-workings of a professional symphony. The musical open house features sessions with ASO musicians, behind-the-scenes tours, chances to experiment with a range of instruments, and a variety of live performances throughout the day. No pricey tickets. No velvet ropes. No stuffy box seats. Just everything you ever wanted to know about our 58-year-old hometown orchestra from the inside out. And did we mention the zealous orchestra groupies? Free. 10 a.m.- 10 p.m. Woodruff Arts Center, 1280 Peachtree St. 404-733-4935. www.atlantasymphony.org.

-- Steve Yockey

Theater
Allergy season
Horizon Theatre hopes the laughter will be contagious when THE TALE OF THE ALLERGIST'S WIFE opens its 20th anniversary season. Playwright Charles Busch, of Vampire Lesbians of Sodom fame, penned the Tony-nominated comedy, which finds a chic Manhattanite (Mary Lynn Owen) teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Veteran Horizon director Heidi Cline brings her flair for comedy to a cast that includes Mary Lynn Owen (above, from left), Jared Simon and Leigh Campbell-Taylor. $18-$25. Through Nov. 30. Wed.-Fri. 8 p.m., Sat. 8:30 p.m.; Sun. 5 p.m. Horizon Theatre, 1083 Austin Ave. 404-584-7450. www.horizontheatre.com.

-- Curt Holman

Opera
Patriot acts
Hard-hearted religious fanatics are stirring the nation to total war, calling mercy meek, diplomacy weak and love the indulgence of traitors. In other news, AiDA opens OCT. 16. Set in Egypt in the theocracy of the Pharaohs, Giuseppe Verdi's opera tells the love story of a heroic Egyptian general and an enslaved Ethiopian princess, both of whom are forced to choose between betraying their warring nations and betraying their love. Sir Elton seems to like the story. $21-$143. Thurs. 8 p.m.; Sat. 7:30 p.m.; Oct. 24, 8 p.m.; Oct. 26, 3 p.m. Atlanta Civic Center, 395 Piedmont Ave. 404-881-8885. www.atlantaopera.org.

-- Thomas Bell

Festival
Last call for IG
It may be hard to top the appearance by Jesco the Dancing Outlaw (see cover story, p. 34), but festival organizers may have done it with the IG FEST CLOSING PARTY. The day begins with performances by A Fir-Ju Well, Jimmy and the Teasers, Magic Magicians, and the Black Keys (see Vibes, p. 100). Anyone needing a break from the music can perk up with the sexy ladies of the Dames A'Flame burlesque troupe. At 7:30 p.m., the big screen features Elvis: That's the Way It Is and Led Zeppelin's The Song Remains the Same. Free with wristband; $12 without; $30 for five-day wristband. 2 p.m. Starlight Drive-In, 2000 Moreland Ave. 404-627-5768. www.starlightdrivein.com. Wristbands may be purchased at The Earl, www.badearl.com or the Echo Lounge, www.echostatic.com/echolounge. For venues and schedules, visit www.indiega.org.

-- Heather Kuldell

Oct 16 - Thursday
KEVIN MEANEY's mother spoke in catch phrases when he was a child, saying things like, "Wipe that puss off your face!" So is it any wonder the guy grew up to be a stand-up comedian? $13-$15. Thurs. 8:30 p.m.; Fri.-Sat. 8 p.m., 10:30 p.m. Funny Farm, 608 Holcomb Bridge Road, Roswell. 770-817-4242. www.funnyfarmcomedyclub.com. (HK)

Oct 17 - Friday
Rejoice, Possums! DAME EDNA, the outspoken Australian, um, personality, brings her extravagant wit Stateside with a tour of her Tony-winning "show that cares." The boisterous Brit-informed drag act can be a bit of an acquired taste, but Edna (aka Barry Humphries) personally promises at least one laugh every 30 seconds. $13-$44. Through Oct. 19. Wed.-Fri. 8 p.m.; Sat. 2 and 8 p.m.; Sun. 2 and 7:30 p.m. Fox Theatre, 660 Peachtree St. 1-800-278-4447. www.broadwayacrossamerica.com. (Tray Butler)

Oct 18 - Saturday
The GREAT DECATUR BEER TASTING FESTIVAL brings together hundreds of local and international beers. Admission includes a fancy-shmancy souvenir glass to hold yer suds. $25. 1 p.m. Decatur Square, 119 E. Court Square. 404-371-8262. www.decatur-ga.com. (HK)

Oct 19 - Sunday
To celebrate STONE MOUNTAIN HIGHLAND GAMES, we'd like to share an old Scottish joke: A fellow in a kilt passes out in front of a bar. Two girls pass by giggling. Girl 1: "What do you think they wear under there?" Girl 2: "Why don't you check?" Girl 1 takes a peek under the kilt to see ... well, not underwear. To make up for the free peepshow, the girl takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it around, ahem, the Scotsman. When he wakes up in the morning, he lifts his kilt to piss and is shocked to see the ribbon. He scratches his head for a moment, looks down and says, "I don't know where ya' been laddy, but I see you won first prize." $4-$18. Sat.-Sun. 8 a.m. Stone Mountain Park, 1126 Stonewall Jackson Drive. 770-498-5690. www.smhg.org. (HK)

Oct 20 - Monday
Men take note: A state of blissful nirvana is being achieved once a week right here in Atlanta. MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL AT THE CHEETAH includes a complimentary buffet, big-screen televisions, stadium seating in the Loft, scores of naked women and, of course, the game. Allow your, um, "spirits" to elevate. $10 cover. 9 p.m. The Cheetah. 887 Spring St. 404-892-3037. www.thecheetah.com. (SY)

Oct 21 - Tuesday
Sure, you could probably be playing trivia with a bunch of drunk losers tonight. But wouldn't your time be better spent concocting an entry for the CREATIVE LOAFING FICTION CONTEST? Our third annual short-story smackdown is looking for submissions centered around a fertile theme: dirt. But hurry, kids -- stories are due NOV. 14. See the ad in this week's issue for rules, or go to atlanta.creativeloafing.com. (TB)

Oct 22 - Wednesday
Had time to cleanse last year's wax out of your ears yet? Well, NICKELBACK is here to remind you of a certain song that was played ad nauseum in 2002. Speaking of jogging the memory, remember when these guys were called Bush? $28.50-$35. 7:30 p.m. (doors). Gwinnett Center Arena, 6400 Sugarloaf Parkway. 404-294-6400. www.gwinnettciviccenter.com. (Nikhil Swaminathan)

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