The Ring cycle
All excited about The Return of the King, the third and final film in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but having trouble telling an uruk-hai from a mumakil? There's no better refresher course than Regal Hollywood 24's "TRILOGY TUESDAY" which, beginning at 2 p.m. DEC. 16, presents back-to-back-to-back showings of the extended editions of The Fellowship of the Rings and The Two Towers, building up to King at 11 p.m. This is your only chance to see it in the Atlanta area before its official opening Wednesday, Dec. 17. All told, the three films will require sitting for more than 10 hours, so afterward you'll have to put your exhausted ass in the proverbial sling. That is, if you can get tickets -- which are selling fast. 3265 Northeast Expressway. 770-936-5737.-- Curt Holman
Here's a little one-act play to help you decide which Christmas concert will be more funky-fresh: 99X MISTLETOE JAM or Q100 FROSTY THE SHOWMAN.
SCENE:The backseat of an abandoned Camaro in Smyrna, Ga. Brad and Julian, two secretly bi-curious college boys, share a blanket.
BRAD: I don't care, Julian. We're going to the 99X Mistletoe Jam at the Fox. I mean, that new JANE'S ADDICTION album isn't their best effort, but it's solid, and there's always the off chance that they'll play "Three Days" for three days. The openers, THURSDAY, kick some pretty hot emo jams, even if they sound like At the Drive-In's whiney, underdeveloped little brothers.
JULIAN: [shivering] Don't be so, like, persnickety, Brad. The Q100 Frosty the Showman concert is what I've been waiting for all year, and you know that. CLAY AIKEN's voice is that of an angel -- an absolute angel. And while the BLACK-EYED PEAS have almost completely sold out and JC CHASEZ without 'N Sync is like Tennille without the Captain, multiple-Grammy-winner MICHELLE BRANCH will be there. She writes her own songs and plays a mean guitar.
BRAD: Let's not fight about it. How 'bout this: We'll go to both. Cool?
Julian nods. They embrace. Hot boy-on-boy action ensues.
Q100 Frosty the Showman: $29.99; Dec. 13, 6 p.m. (doors); Tabernacle, 152 Luckie St.; 404-249-6400. allthehitsq100.com. 99X Mistletoe Jam: $26.99-$34.99; Dec. 16, 7 p.m. (doors); Fox Theatre, 660 Peachtree St.; 404-249-6400; www.99x.com.-- Andrew Stewart
The Short List
Dec 11 - Thursday
Endlessly funky and criminally underrated, WHILD PEACH bring its tripped-out rock/soul jams to Apache Cafe on the second Thursday of every month. You may be familiar with the little group that regularly recruits Whild (David Whild) and Peach (Myrna "Skreechy Peachy" Crenshaw) for backing guitar and vocals, respectively: OutKast. Snap! $10. 9 p.m. 64 Third St. 404-876-5436. apachecafe.info. (AS)
Dec 12 - Friday
All I want for Christmas is to be packed into the Star Bar for the seventh annual TOYS FOR TOTS CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR, where, once again, Yule Log brings in the masses. Other bands on the bill include Truckadelic (in a reunion of sorts), Bitch, Blacktop Rockets, Cletis and his City Cousins, and Amy Pike with Sonoramic Commando. $15, or bring a new, unwrapped toy for donation. 7 p.m. (doors). 437 Moreland Ave. 404-681-9018. www.starbar.net. (Lea Holland)
Dec 13 - Saturday
HULA-HOOPIN' HANNAH AND HER HANUKKAH ADVENTURE presents a comical holiday escapade about family, friends and tradition. $10-$12. Dec. 13, 18 and 20, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 14, 21-24, 10:30 a.m. and 3 p.m. Morris and Rae Frank Theatre, 5342 Tilly Mill Road. 770-395-2654. www.atlantajcc.org. (Chris Browning)
Dec 14 - Sunday
Blast off on a CHALLENGER SPACE MISSION. Experience what it's like to be in Mission Control and the Space Station in this exciting two-hour space simulation program. Make sure you reserve your spot. Recommended for ages 9 and up. $8-$20. Noon and 3 p.m. 395 Piedmont Ave. 404-522-5500. www.scitrek.org. (CB)
Dec 15 - Monday
Help feed the hungry with the cast of Alliance Theatre's A Christmas Carol. A benefit for Hosea Feed the Hungry, AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH SCROOGE AT CALLANWOLDE includes a narration of the Dickens classic, along with traditional Christmas carols. Make a reservation and bring a food or toy donation. Free. 7 p.m. Callanwolde Fine Arts Center, 980 Briarcliff Road. 404-946-2868. www.radiosouth.net. (CB)
Dec 16 - Tuesday
Keep your eyes peeled for a flaming George W. Bush cruisin' round town with his pants on fire -- as in, "Liar, liar." It's not the actual president, but a 12-foot tall statue of the prez built with funds donated by TrueMajority and supported by Ben (as in "and Jerry"). The PANTSONFIRE-MOBILE will be driven around the Atlanta area Dec. 15-19. More info and itinerary at www.pantsonfire.net. (HK)
Dec 17 - Wednesday
Come in out of the cold for FUEGO WARMS YOU UP, featuring wines from Argentina and savory tapas. $20. 7-9 p.m. Fuego Cafe and Tapas Bar, 10970 State Bridge Road, Alpharetta. 770-753-4477. www.fuegocafe.com. (HK)