How do I tell my boyfriend I want to have sex during my period? Its early in our relationship and I feel kinda funny about asking, especially because hes so prim and proper. Plus, Ive never had sex while I was menstruating, so Im not sure about the logistics, if you know what I mean. Help!
Baffled in Buckhead
Id start out by saying, You look a little anemic. How about some iron?
Listen, the difference between conquest and seduction is salesmanship, so pretend youre selling him a joyride in a stolen car. You know, the one with the leaky oil pan.
Its a joyride a lot of men like to take, over and over. Between the additional lubrication and the pelvic congestion, everything is warmer, wetter and wilder. In fact, too wild. It feels so good a lot of men turn into Two Pump Chumps.
Still, sex during menstruation can make a mans blood run cold. Diplomacy is key. Saying, You can swim in the lake but you cant drink the water will be a lot more effective with a shy boyfriend than, I want you to fuck the blood out of me.
But really, you dont need words. Give him a Category 5 blowjob and hell be begging you to let him pull the tampon out. Seriously, go in like youre taking a scuba lesson and his objections will trickle away. Its called the Bridge Technique. You get him hot and bothered with one sex act and bridge the objections into the next one.
Dont leave anything to chance, though. Be prepared. Heres my list:
Drink! You dont want his inhibitions within three blocks of your tampon. Try making Grant Henrys famous Bloody Mary. Heres the recipe he uses at The Local: Mix two different BBQ sauces (he wont tell me which ones, the bastard) with Whiskey Willys Bloody Mary Mix, an olive and some pepper. True, itll look exactly like what your boyfriends trying to avoid, but hey. If Grants concoction is powerful enough make the gay guys say, Screw it, lets hit on the straight boys, then its powerful enough to get your boyfriend to say, Screw it, Ill tap that.
Use a diaphragm or cervical cup. The biggest fear most men have is that therell be so much blood theyll have to cordon off the bed with yellow crime scene tape. So try using either of these barriers to slow the flow.
Prepare the bed. Again, you dont want your sheets looking like the lead story on the 11 oclock news, so have dark towels and sheets ready.
Buy condoms. The chance of spreading STDs rises exponentially during a menstrual cycle. And while its highly unlikely the baby batter will find purchase, it does happen.
Soap up. If all else fails, have sex in the shower. The clean ups easy. Unless youre doing it during heavy flow days. Then you might as well stick Psycho into the DVD and fast-forward to the shower scene.
Sometimes, its women themselves who object to sex during menstruation. Ladies, if youre a little grossed out, just remember that orgasms relieve menstrual cramps. Thats because the uterine contractions decrease the amount of cramp-causing hormones in the area. So, picture the head of your partners dick as a Midol pill and youll never look back. Even if youre on all fours.
And speaking of orgasms, a lot of women report theyre stronger and deeper during menstruation. Which brings us to why your boyfriend will keep coming back every month: No man can resist a womans orgasm when its so powerful that it has its own narrative.
Lastly, sex shortens your period. By stimulating uterine contractions, orgasms help expel menstrual blood more quickly, shortening the cycle by up to a few days.
Bottom line: If you keep it hot, sexy and fun, you can ease your boyfriend into True Blood territory, where a little red makes a lot of sense.
Midtown resident Mike Alvear hosts HBO's "The Sex Inspectors," blogs at mikealvear.com, and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie. He's also the principal passenger on the Grey Goose Express.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand