Show me the honey 

Two undercover vice officers were patrolling the area near the Edgewood shopping center. A woman walked up to their unmarked car and asked, "Where are you boys from?" One undercover officer said they were "looking to have some fun." The woman hopped into their car and gave them verbal directions about where to drive, but she wouldn't get specific about what she was offering for "fun." (In order to arrest alleged prostitutes, officers must hear them offer a specific sexual activity for a price. This lady was too cagey for that.) "After driving around for approximately five minutes, I told [the other officer] to pull to the side of the road and let her out of the car because [she] wouldn't talk about what she wanted to do," an officer wrote.

Apparently, the woman preferred visual cues to verbal explanations. "Upon pulling over to the side of the road, located in a residential neighborhood, she began to lift up her shirt, exposing her breasts. After she exposed her breasts, she removed her pants down to her ankles, leaned into the back seat, completely exposing her anus to passersby," an officer wrote. "Then, she reached into the front seat and grabbed [the officer] by the crotch. [She] then proceeded to reach into the back seat, attempting to grab my crotch. I told her to put her clothes back on because she was exposing her naked body so pedestrians could see." The woman said the only person in the areas was so old that he "wouldn't give a shit."

Officers took her to jail on an indecency charge.

Keystone cops

Two police officers got into a fender bender with each other on Charlotte Place while responding to the same 911 call. (One officer was leading the way in his patrol car, while the second officer was following behind in a separate car.) Suddenly, the second officer "heard a loud screeching noise" and slammed into the officer in front of him. No one was seriously hurt.

Apparently, this is a trend. A similar incident happened on Edgewood Avenue. Two officers were in the driveway of a private home responding to a crime when one officer backed his Crown Victoria patrol car smack into the other officer's patrol car. All officers involved had to file police reports on themselves.

Food fight

In Cascade Heights, officers responded to a couple's spat at their home on Dolphin Drive. The boyfriend was sitting in a chair on the front porch with a cut on his face. He said he was sitting in that same chair when earlier, his girlfriend walked outside, grabbed his head and started acting "crazy." The officers asked: Do you need any medical attention? No. The officers went inside and found the "entire apartment in disarray" and "food had been thrown all over the kitchen." The girlfriend, who was very drunk, said she threw the TV and emptied the refrigerator in an effort to "get help." Also, the girlfriend said she "may have broken a front window" but "did not know." The girlfriend went to jail on battery charges.

Wet 'n' wild

On the West Side, a drunk man in a black Chevy with the muffler dragging behind it lurched across Huff Road. An officer stopped the car and spoke with the driver, a 29-year-old man. He said he lived on Huff Road and just drove across the street to call a girl. Two unopened cans of Bud Lite Margarita were on the car floor. The man said he only had two drinks and his last drink was at 3 a.m. The man's zipper was wide open. The officer noted, "When I asked him about that, he said, 'at least I don't have a girl in here.'" Also, the man "had urinated on himself because his pants appeared wet at the crotch," the officer noted. The man said he hit a speed bump, and that's why his muffler was dragging behind. He failed several sobriety tests and went to jail on DUI charges.

Desperate measures

A 21-year-old man was desperate to see his girlfriend so he did the only reasonable thing he could think of and broke into her apartment on Moury Road. He reportedly tossed a flower pot through the window and then proceeded to crawl through the window, cutting himself pretty badly on the glass as he maneuvered through. (Next time, clear the glass before crawling through a broken window.) When he got inside, he realized his efforts were for naught — the girlfriend wasn't even home. So he left on foot. The girlfriend's roommate called police to report the incident.

Dramatic exit

In Midtown, a fired employee returned to the law firm where he once worked for his final paycheck. (The fired man is best friends with the male office manager there.) The office manager told him that, unfortunately, his paycheck wasn't ready yet. The fired man became really upset and grabbed several papers that included company clients' personal credit card info and Social Security numbers. The office manager tried to stop him, but the man whipped out a knife and yelled, "Don't touch me!" Then he ran out the door. Apparently, the fired man is known to keep guns and machetes in his car.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.


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