Songs I'd Rather Hear Through the Floor 

The other day, my upstairs neighbors were having some sorta ultra-girly breakdown. One wailed and I assume the other was collecting tissues because high heels continually clomp-clomped on the hardwood floors at about 3 a.m. I heard James Blunt's "So Beautiful" and Madonna's "Hung Up," so I figured someone got dumped. Instead of sleeping, I pondered what I'd rather hear to mourn the end of what's-her-face's relationship:

1) "The House That Jack Built" -- Aretha Franklin: For if her man left her.

2) "Criminal" -- Fiona Apple: Or maybe she cheated.

3) "No More Drama" -- Mary J. Blige: Or maybe it was just dramatic and she couldn't take it anymore.

4) "I Will Survive" -- Gloria Gaynor: On second thought, never play disco when you live in apartments -- that's just rude.

5) "Infinitely Late at Night" -- the Magnetic Fields: OK, this is mournful and all, but mostly I just wanted to fall asleep.

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