On the west side, a 31-year-old man said his baby mamma came over to get her stuff from his home on Yonkers Avenue. Conveniently, he'd already put her belongings all over his front yard. Enraged, the baby mamma grabbed a broom and clobbered the man's hand, leaving a bloody cut.
After the broom smackdown, the man allegedly retaliated by throwing a bucket full of paint and urine all over his baby mamma. (NO explanation of why a bucket filled with paint AND urine happened to be so handy and nearby.) The reporting officer noted, the woman had paint in her hair, her arms, and on her shirt. Plus, the tangy aroma of urine wafted from both the man and woman.
The officer arrested both the man and baby momma on battery charges and took their stinky selves to jail.
SPOOKY SON, FABRIC FAUX PAS
On Brownlee Road in Collier Park, a woman said her 47-year-old son has been living with her for the past four months – and his behavior wildly fluctuates from day to day. She says her son is currently unemployed and has special problems keeping a job. She called police after her son threatened to burn down the house. Then, he pulled a phone off the wall and tossed the phone into his mother's television. According to the police officer's handwritten report, the mother said her son often has episodes during which he "speaks in tongues" and screams, "Satin — I rebuke you."
(And yes. "Satin" typo, courtesy of the reporting officer for this incident at Atlanta Police Dept.)
DUDE, IT'S NOT A CAPE
A mostly naked 19-year-old man wrapped in a dingy sheet fell out the window of his second-floor apartment on Alison Court. The man "had no shirt and his pants were pulled down around his ankles," noted the police officer. Ragged window blinds were strewn around the area where he fell. The officer rushed around, trying to figure out if the 19-year-old had been pushed — or if he fell. No signs of any struggle in the 19-year-old's bedroom — and his friends said they'd been drinking a lot and the 19-year-old was acting "weird" and "funny." But the friends were hazy too. "Neither could give accurate descriptions of what happened nor specifically describe what acting 'funny' meant," the officer noted. Everyone smelled of marijuana. Finally, the 19-year-old said no one pushed him or tossed him out the window — he just fell. Remarkably, the man had no serious injuries from his two-story tumble. Yes. It's a sheet. And you cannot fly.
At a ritzy Buckhead hotel, an employee parked his black Land Rover truck in the loading area — and left. When he returned at 2 a.m., his truck was completely covered in cooking grease. The employee said no one left a note or anything explaining what happened. The man reviewed the security tape and saw a cleaning crew in the area with grease vats from the day — but didn't see anyone specifically pour cooking grease on his truck.
PRANKED FROM ABOVE
At a Sandy Springs condominium high-rise on Roswell Road, a tidy man swept his patio area one Saturday and found several Camel cigarette butts on his patio. Three cigarette butts were in his chaise lounge and burned one hole in the pillow and two more holes in the seat cushion. The man left town and when he returned the next day, he found "more cigarette butts and vomit" all over his patio furniture and floor. He lives on the second floor.
MONSTER ASS MAN
In East Atlanta, an officer was patrolling Moreland Avenue during rush hour. Suddenly, a man in a striped shirt "walked close to my patrol car, yelling and giving me the middle finger," the officer noted. Then, the man pulled down his pants "showing his private area." The officer hopped out of his car and walked to the man. Freaked, the man "jumped up and down on the curb, threw his Bible down, and darted into oncoming traffic." The officer tried to control the man — to no avail. "He then stopped in the middle of traffic, turned toward me and began to spit toward me," the officer noted. Eventually, the officer deployed his Taser, noting the man "was tased in the lower back, butt, and leg area. I was then able to gain control of the suspect, and dragged him from the right lane onto the nearby curb for his safety, and awaited for Grady to remove the prongs." From his ass.
SPLASHY, NOT SUBTLE
In Buckhead, a woman was walking from her car to her condo one morning when suddenly she felt cold water running down her hair and back. She spun around, and saw her neighbor (a 53-year-old woman) wielding a hose and deliberately pouring water all over her. The neighbor yelled, "You want to turn the water off in the condo, I'm going to pour water on you!" The soggy woman did not say a single word. Instead, she pulled out her cell phone, took photos of her neighbor pointing the hose at her, and drove straight to the police station. Police helped her get a warrant for the neighbor's arrest.
Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.
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