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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

ON PEACHTREE STREET, a police officer was working security at the Fox Theatre, where it was prom night for a local high school. The officer saw a 28-year-old man talking to some students. The officer asked the man why and how he got into the prom. The man said he was a limo driver who was picking up some kids. "Further investigation led us to believe that he was way too intoxicated to be transporting the students," the officer wrote. The man was unsteady on his feet and smelled of booze. The officer asked him where his limo was located. The man said, "I'm not really a limo driver. I just saw the girls go inside and wanted to get a drink." The man was arrested for public drunkenness and taken to jail.

ON IRA STREET, a 27-year-old woman said she broke up with her boyfriend. (He has gold teeth and a full beard.) She said her boyfriend came over and her mother let him in. The boyfriend came into her bedroom and stood on her bed. Then, he stomped on her head four or five times. The woman had no visible injuries. The boyfriend fled before police arrived. He has a tattoo of God on his arm.

ON AUSTIN AVENUE, an elderly woman called 911 and said that her daughter was using an axe to break into her house. Then, in a fit of rage, the daughter ripped the thermostat out of the wall. Apparently, the daughter has a history of mental problems and drug use. When police arrived, the daughter admitted that she had recently used some crack. The elderly woman said she was afraid of her daughter and didn't want her back at the house if possible. The daughter, age 45, was arrested and taken to jail.

ON I-20, an officer saw a Honda Civic that was speeding. The officer stopped the car and spoke with the driver, a 28-year-old man with dilated eyes. The driver, who smelled of burnt marijuana, handed over an expired driver's license. The officer asked, "When did you last smoke?" The man replied, "When I was a teenager." He said he didn't smoke cigarettes, either -- but two fingers were stained yellow. The man said that was because he was a painter. Also, the man had "raised yellowish/green taste buds on the rear of his tongue," the officer noted. The officer searched the man's car and found 44.6 grams of suspected marijuana. Also, the officer found two porn videos (titled Tear Jerkers and Trained Teens). The man was arrested and taken to jail.

AN OFFICER responded to a dispute call at an apartment complex on Peachtree Road, regarding a security guard and two women. One woman said the security guard pushed her and threatened her. She also accused the security guard of making anti-transgender comments. She said she wasn't going to get any help from the police because of her sexuality. She left the apartment complex before the situation could be resolved.

A MAN WEARING CAMOUFLAGE PANTS walked into a grocery store on Ponce de Leon Avenue. A security guard saw him grab a doughnut (worth 63 cents) and eat it while he walked through the store. The man was stopped and held until police arrived. Police found a bag of suspected marijuana in his pants. The man was arrested for shoplifting a doughnut and drug possession, and taken to jail.

A MAN was caught exposing his penis while walking through Grady Memorial Hospital. The man, age 52, said he was exposing his penis because he "wanted some." He was charged with indecency and taken to jail.

AN EMPLOYEE of a hotel on Marietta Street said the Tampa Bay Storm football team stayed at the hotel. The employee said at least 10 rooms were damaged by a sprinkler system going off in a room where a man from Tampa was staying. The employee said it looked like someone tampered with the sprinkler system, causing the water damage.

POLICE RESPONDED to a call about a man impersonating a doctor at a children's hospital on Jesse Hill Drive. One woman saw the man -- wearing a medical coat, blue scrubs and a stethoscope -- entering her daughter's room. She asked him, "Are you a doctor?" He hesitated and said yes. She saw a scratched ID picture of a woman around his neck. She questioned him about the ID, and he said the ID card belonged to his sister and that his sister's baby scratched the ID card. After the man left, she called security. Police found the man and searched him. He had an ATM card that did not belong to him. He said he got the debit card from a friend. The man, age 28, was arrested and taken to jail.

AT A SEX-TOY SHOP on Peachtree Street, a man climbed from a video booth into the drop ceiling and tried to climb into another booth and open the money box used to pay for videos. Police officers arrived and the man climbed onto the heating unit and refused to come down. Police saw him eating suspected crack cocaine. He refused to come down. The man, age 41, was arrested for trespassing.

AROUND 8 A.M., a woman called 911 and said she saw a man breaking into an Oldsmobile Cutlass on Argonne Avenue. Police found the man about two blocks away -- he had a bag containing two containers of All Laundry soap (worth $10). The owner of the soap was located. She said yes, she had two bags of All Laundry soap in her car. The man -- who wore black dress shoes and a black beanie -- was arrested for shoplifting.

Items in The Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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