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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

A WOMAN FROM MAINE boarded a plane at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. While onboard, she went to the restroom. When she was finished in the bathroom, she lit a match to conceal the odor. But people aren't allowed to light a match on a plane anymore. The FBI was notified by radio. A police report was filed. (Blotter note: Next time, think Lysol.)

AT UNDERGROUND ATLANTA, three friends walked into a candy store and started dancing around. One friend (a 19-year-old Marietta man) put his hand into a jar of candy bears, took a handful of bears, and ate them. The store clerk pointed to a sign and said there's no sampling. The man danced around some more. Then, he grabbed another handful of candy bears and ate them. Police arrested him for shoplifting.

A MAN SAID HIS GIRLFRIEND walked into his apartment on Henry Thomas Drive. Then, she cut the wires to his PlayStation console and fled. Police found the girlfriend in another apartment. She admitted to cutting the PlayStation wires. She went to jail for disorderly conduct.

A FEMALE OFFICER was working undercover in downtown Atlanta. She got into a conversation with a security guard at a hotel on Courtland Avenue. The guard said he owns his own escort service and would like her to work for him. He handed her a business card and asked her to call him later that night.

The female officer called and met him back at the hotel. The guard gave her an application and a contract. He asked her to fill out the application, adding that he wanted her to train girls, turn a couple of tricks, take nude pictures and work in the strip clubs. He said he would take a 20 percent cut from her earnings, which would cover advertising and housing. A week later, police arrested the man for pimping and pandering.

AN OFFICER was sent to Lockwood Drive to deal with a dispute. (He was called for backup; another officer was already on the scene.) He arrived and parked on the sidewalk of the driveway because the first officer had already parked in the driveway. He put the patrol car in park and got out. He did not take the keys out of the ignition. He started to walk over to the first officer, then he noticed his patrol car was starting to roll. The car was rolling down a hill -- headed for a light pole.

The officer wrote, "I opened the door and was going to get into the vehicle and stop it. Before I could do so, the vehicle struck the light pole and top of the door struck me in the throat."

The patrol car had rolled about 30 feet. Medics arrived and treated the officer for a bruised throat. A tow truck arrived and carted away the patrol car, which was damaged on the front end.

A 25-YEAR-OLD WOMAN said a man came to her apartment on Englewood Avenue -- uninvited. He started throwing boxes and chocolate sauce at the back door. He had a crew cut and wore camouflage pants. Then, he came inside and started pushing her around. The man is her boyfriend and the father of her unborn child, but they don't live together.

A WOMAN parked her red Volvo outside her house on Hosea L. Williams Drive. The next day, she walked out to her car and discovered that her gas-tank top had been removed from the gas tank. She started her car and discovered that about five gallons of gas was gone. A police officer dusted the gas tank area for prints but couldn't lift any.

ON SYDNEY MARCUS BOULEVARD, a man with a scar on his face was pushing a Home Depot shopping cart down the middle of the street. Inside the cart was a TV. An officer stopped the man and asked, "What are you doing?" The man said a lady gave him the TV earlier that day, and he was taking the shopping cart to the MARTA station because he wasn't going to carry the TV that far. The officer wrote, "It appeared suspicious ... ." The officer ran a computer check on the man and discovered that he had two outstanding warrants. The man went to jail.

ONE NIGHT, a man from Celebration, Fla., was in Buckhead. He met a thin woman and the two of them sat in her car for a while. During this time, he says, the woman was able to lift his wallet from his pocket. The next day, the man realized that someone went on a shopping spree with his ATM card. He said his pin number for the ATM card was also in his wallet. He doesn't know the woman's name or where she lives.

A 35-YEAR-OLD WOMAN with missing teeth said she went over to "Bozo's" house. (She doesn't know Bozo's real name.) She told police, "I will not lie to you. I was over there to buy dope." The officer asked if by "dope" she meant crack cocaine. Yes, the woman said. She said Bozo told her that he wasn't going to sell her anything and she needed to get off his porch and leave. Then, Bozo walked onto the porch while holding a large pit bull by the collar. She said Bozo released the pit bull, which then attacked her and bit her arm.

The woman walked over to Fair Street and called 911. Police arrested the woman for "occupying a dive" and took her to jail.

lauren.keating@creativeloafing.com

Items in The Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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