The Blotter 

Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

AN OFFICER responded to a noise complaint at a house on Piper Circle. A live band was playing in the backyard. The officer asked the homeowner if he had a permit for the band. "No," said the homeowner, a 35-year-old man. The officer said the band would have to stop. The homeowner asked if the band could finish playing the current song. "No," the officer said. So the homeowner went to the stage where the band was playing ... and let the band finish its song. So the officer started to write a ticket. Then the homeowner started speaking into the microphone. He said that Atlanta police were here to shut down the party, and that instead of looking for drug dealers, rapists, murderers, etc., the police were worried about their music. "This is what our tax-paying dollars are going toward," he said, adding that he didn't give a shit about the Atlanta police. So the officer arrested him for disorderly conduct. The man apologized several times and said he'd had several alcoholic drinks. He went to jail.

A 44-YEAR-OLD MAN was arrested for trying to shoplift a box of tampons and a jar of Advil from a grocery store on Ponce de Leon Avenue. He went to jail.

AN OFFICER WAS WORKING UNDERCOVER near Edgewood Avenue. A blond woman walked up and offered to have sex with the undercover officer in exchange for $50, a beer and a pack of cigarettes. She was arrested for solicitation. The woman has a tattoo that reads: "Trouble forever." She is 46 years old.

TWO POLICE OFFICERS saw a known prostitute flagging down cars on Rhodesia Street. A large truck stopped, and the prostitute talked to the truck driver. The officers approached, and the prostitute said the truck driver offered her $5 to ride with him, but that he didn't name any sex act. The truck driver wore a T-shirt ... but was nude from the waist down. He wasn't wearing any pants, shoes or underwear. His genitals were exposed. Police noted that the truck driver did not have any other clothes in the truck. The truck driver was arrested for indecency; the prostitute was arrested for soliciting rides.

ON CLEVELAND AVENUE, a 34-year-old man said a woman walked up and asked him for a ride. The man wasn't familiar with the area, so he got into the passenger seat and let the woman drive his car. (He had never met this woman before and didn't get her name.) She drove north on I-75 and stopped at a vacant house in the area of Metropolitan Parkway, where another man appeared. The woman went through the 34-year-old's pockets and took $60 and his cell phone. She told the 34-year-old to stay at the vacant house ... then she and the other man drove away in the 34-year-old's car (a Ford Explorer). He called police and reported his car stolen.

POLICE SPOTTED A MARIJUANA FIELD from a helicopter. The field was on Ruby Harper Boulevard. Police recovered 203 marijuana plants, valued at $203,000. The plants were turned in and marked "To be destroyed." No people were arrested.

A FEMALE IMPERSONATOR was approaching cars and asking if people "want[ed] a good time" at the intersection of Piedmont Avenue and 3rd Street. The female impersonator wore a pink dress and weighs about 250 pounds. His purse contained four tubes of mascara, two lipsticks, two tubes of foundation and an umbrella. The female impersonator has "Timothy" tattooed on his right arm. He went to jail for soliciting a ride.

A WOMAN IN RED SHORTS was sitting in a chair ... in the middle of Osborne Street. Cars were forced to move into the opposite lane to go around her. The woman, age 37, was cited for pedestrian in roadway.

A MIDDLE-AGED MAN walked into the financial counseling area of Grady Memorial Hospital. He then pulled out a pint of Glenmore gin and proceeded to pour gin over the floor. He was speaking loudly and using profanity. A security guard said this same man already had a trespassing warning to stay away. The man has a crew cut and a thin mustache, and he wore brown dress shoes. During arrest, the man started spitting on the floors and walls.

A MAN CALLED POLICE to report that someone stole several hundred pounds of red dirt from his dirt mound on Tiger Flowers Drive. The red dirt is apparently worth $6,000. A contractor had left his business card with some workers at the dirt mound. The contractor said he took the dirt, but he didn't know it belonged to anyone. The contractor said he would now pay for the dirt, but the man refused and said he would get an arrest warrant.

ON NEW TOWN CIRCLE, a woman said she and her live-in boyfriend got into an argument because she refused to give him $20. The boyfriend got angry, grabbed a knife and cut open the sofa and love seat in several places. He also smashed her TV. The boyfriend, age 32, fled before police arrived.

AT LENOX MALL, a couple was arrested in the parking lot. The man said he was arguing with the woman about her showing up at the car on time. He said, "Come on, bitch, it's time to go." The woman got upset and threw a big cup of soda on him. In retaliation, the man hit her with a bag of clothes, then put up his hands as if he was going to strike her. Police charged them both with disorderly conduct.

lauren.keating@creativeloafing.com

Items in The Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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