The Blotter 

Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

HONEY, NO MORE TALK ABOUT "FEELINGS"! An officer dealt with a couple fighting on Delowe Street. A 29-year-old Marietta man said his wife -- from whom he is separated -- broke both his windshield wipers and possibly stole his coat. The wife denied that she had anything to do with the damaged car or coat. A chaplain with the Cobb County Police Department was also on the scene. He said he's been counseling this couple, and he confirmed that they don't live together right now. The wife was charged with criminal trespass. The officer couldn't find the coat in question.

SANDWICHES AND BRIMSTONE: At a convenience store on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, the manager said a woman asked for a sandwich. The manager told her she'd have to pay for that sandwich. He said the woman threatened to blow up the store ... then she walked outside and tried to light each gas pump with a cigarette lighter. A police officer arrived and noticed the woman putting the lighter inside gas pumps and trying to ignite them. She said she was going to blow the motherfucker up. The woman, age 40, went to jail on numerous charges.

THIEF ON A CARB BINGE? At an ice cream parlor on Irwin Street, an employee showed up around 6:30 a.m. and noticed the glass entrance door was shattered and a large piece of concrete was on the floor. She called police to the ice cream parlor. An empty pie pan sat on a table. A tray of brownies had been removed from the oven and was now on a table. "The brownies appeared to have been tampered with," the officer wrote. Also reported missing: a 15-pound case of bacon and a five-pound bag of marbled jack-cheddar-blend cheese. The officer collected a fingerprint from the empty pie pan.

HOME SURGERY? A 35-year-old man said his wife left her job at Grady Memorial Hospital and returned home to pull a butcher knife on him. He said his wife walked into their home yelling and screaming, "I'm tired of you accusing me of being with mens at Grady," adding that she was going to kill him for being with other women while she was at work. The husband said he went to the kitchen to get a weapon to protect himself ... but all the knives were gone. He then ran out the back door and jumped the fence. He called 911 from a friend's house. The wife was gone when police arrived.

USING THAT BABY FACE: Two Lithonia women were babysitting their sister's three children for the day. They went to the Target at Edgewood Retail District. A security guard said he saw the women conceal three CDs underneath a 6-month-old infant, who was asleep in a car seat. Two more children were sitting on hidden items in the shopping cart, the guard noted. Also, he said they concealed clothes in a black bag. The two aunts admitted to stealing items and "knew it was wrong." Police called the mother of the three children, and she came to Target to get her kids. The aunts who allegedly use babies to steal stuff were charged with shoplifting.

THE EVIDENCE IN YOUR HANDS: An officer saw a blue pickup truck stop in the middle of the intersection at Fraser and Little streets. The truck failed to move for about 30-40 seconds, and other drivers had to maneuver around it, the officer noted. Then, the driver drove about one block and parked. The officer followed him to investigate. "As I approached the vehicle, I observed [the truck driver] consuming alcoholic beverages from a container identified as Black Label Beer," the officer noted. The driver got out of the truck with the beer can still in his hand – then, he tossed the beer can in the backseat, the officer noted. "I wasn't drinking, I wasn't drinking," the driver told the cop. The driver, age 44, was charged with DUI, among other charges.

HIT THE DECK: An officer dealt with a threatening message left on an answering machine at a nonprofit that focuses on trees. The caller said, "If the parking deck goes up in Piedmont Park, the heavens are going to bring it down." He repeated this several times and added, "I've already notified them in someone's yard, with a little note. ... If they rebuild it, it will be a waste of time, energy, resources, money, not to mention if humans are killed." Police notified the Homeland Security Department.

PARTY FAVOR? On Boulevard, a 27-year-old woman said someone smeared human feces on her car, a 2001 silver Kia. She said the feces spread from the driver's door to the rear door handle. She said she had a party the night before, and a woman she's had problems with showed up and made a scene -- so this woman was asked to leave the party. She's suspicious that this woman is responsible for the feces on the car.

YARD WARS: A 48-year-old man on Woodland Avenue said he got into a fight with a neighbor; the police were called, and he was arrested. When he got out of jail the next day, he noticed that his grass was turning a brownish color. Initially, it didn't bother him that the grass kept turning brown. But now, he says, the grass is brown only in one area, forming a line. He said he knows someone came onto his property and poisoned his grass on purpose.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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