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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? A 25-year-old man said his neighbor was carrying a butcher knife while she walked behind him on Candlelight Road. He said he turned down Kenora Drive, and the neighbor followed. (The neighbor is a 55-year-old woman.) He said he went into his own yard, and the neighbor walked up to another woman's house and pounded on the door very loudly.

The woman who lives there said the neighbor with the knife started yelling obscenities. She said the neighbor pounded on her door and yelled, "The devil will kill you and the black dog will die, die black dog, Jesus." The woman said she was calling police, so the neighbor went back to her own house.

An officer showed up and tried to talk to the neighbor. The officer wrote: "She yelled at me from an upstairs window that 'The devil would kill me and the black dog would die, and I was the black dog, die.'" He also noted that the power was turned off at her house. The neighbor was arrested for aggravated assault and taken to Grady Memorial Hospital.

PROBLEM SOLVED? On Windsor Street, the mother of an 18-year-old youth said when he woke up one morning, he was hostile and "not himself." She believed he'd taken some marijuana laced with more dangerous drugs. Also, the mother said her son was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia a month earlier. A police officer showed up around 7 a.m., because the mother and the aunt were concerned. "At this time there were no criminal charges, so the officer ... left the scene and advised the mother of her options," the officer wrote.

About an hour later, another officer was sent to the home. According to the police dispatch service, the 18-year-old was now throwing plates and beating the family dog. Multiple witnesses said the youth shouted, "You are the devil" at his mother. The youth allegedly pushed his mother, tried to break a plate over his aunt's head, choked his sister and beat the dog. The officer wrote: "While writing down the information for the police report, [the 18-year-old] was seen walking down the street with a bag of snacks in his hand. [The 18-year-old] said to [police] that Jesus Christ stated that we were not to touch him." After a struggle, the youth was arrested for aggravated assault.

SUNDAY LESSON: One Sunday around 5 p.m., a man said he left four 24-packs of Budweiser beer in his Lexus on Vedado Way in Midtown. He said when he returned about two hours later, the window was smashed and his beer was gone. He called police. (Some advice from the Blotter Diva: Never forget that Sunday beer sales are prohibited in our fine state of Georgia. Therefore, it's probably best not to tempt the "hair of the dog" crowd by leaving 96 beers in your car on a Sunday afternoon.)

MORE SUNDAY LESSONS: One Sunday around 5 p.m., a man flagged down a police officer on Troy Street. He said he was afraid someone might kill him. The man, age 46, said for the last three weeks he's been running errands for this other man, who weighs about 270 pounds. He said he picked up this man's girlfriend from work, brought the man's friends home and did whatever was needed ... but he wasn't getting paid the money he was promised.

He said earlier that day, he was at a house this man rents on Troy Street. He said the man went to church while he was outside cleaning the car. He said he went inside and saw eight grams of marijuana on the living-room table. He said he took the marijuana because other people were in the house, so no one would know who stole it. He admitted to the police officer that he stole the marijuana and sold it to a drug dealer.

(Apparently, this guy really likes to confess.) He said he also told the 270-pound man that he stole marijuana from him. To which he said the man replied: "I gonna fuck you up, fuck you up bad." After hearing this, the police officer filed a report and gave him a number to call. (So next time you steal drugs from your boss, just flag down a police officer to solve your problems. Sunday lesson: This plan lacks logic, dude.)

LET'S EXERCISE SOME JUDGMENT: An employee of a gym on Moore's Mill Road said someone spray-painted hate speech on the gym's driveway. It featured two employees' names, followed by the word "fag." She said there's an ongoing issue between these two employees and a 61-year-old male gym member. She does not know the employees' sexual orientation.

She said about a week before, the gym management got a call from an employee at a Lowe's store in Chamblee. The employee found a sticker in the store restroom that stated one gym employee "is the Peeping Tom who put a camera in this restroom. He and that moron [the other gym employee] are selling the photos all over town. Call [the gym's phone number] to stop them!"

Also, five days before that, the gym received an anonymous letter by fax. It suggested the two gym employees were breaking into lockers and cars. It gave the gym one week to conduct an internal investigation before police were contacted. It was signed "A. Friend."

THE LADY IN RED? An officer responded to a car break-in call at Peachtree and Pine streets. He spotted a 43-year-old man carrying a bag. The officer asked: "Where did you get the bag?" The man said he found it on a sidewalk. Several witnesses said the man used a tire iron to break into a Lincoln Navigator and take the bag. So what was in the bag? Several bottles of pink lotion and a red dress.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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