The Blotter May 28 2008

FEISTY ONE-EYED MAN: A man with a missing eye was allegedly harassing customers at a gas station on Jonesboro Road. The man was drinking from a bottle of watermelon vodka, an officer noted. The officer said he tried to detain the man, who struggled and got violent. The man with a missing eye was arrested for disorderly conduct under the influence. The 42-year-old man has long, brown hair and wore a tank top. Also, he is missing some teeth.

FEISTY MAN WITH NO LEGS: An officer said he was patrolling Peachtree Street when he almost struck an empty wheelchair rolling into the street. The officer heard yelling from a parking lot — and the officer saw a man with no legs crawling on the ground. The Man with No Legs said another man hit his head with a stick. The officer separated the two men and tried to figure out what had happened. The officer wrote, “Before I could ask a question, [the Man with No Legs] jumped out of his wheelchair and started hitting the other man. Both males were in a heated fight that rolled into the street.” The officer said he tried to break up the fight, and the Man with No Legs hit him in the chest. Again, the Man with No Legs accused the other man of hitting him with a stick. “The stick was made of foam,” police noted. Both men were charged with disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace.

SOUTHERN EXPOSURE: An officer was on patrol at a gas station on Cleveland Avenue. A man said, “I need to go to jail, somebody is trying to kill me.” Then the man unzipped his pants and pulled out his penis, the officer noted. Everyone else in the store parking lot could see the man. The man, age 32, was charged with indecency and went to jail.

TO RUSSIA, WITH LOVE: A middle-aged man said he let a Russian man named “Ilya” stay for a week at his home on Joseph E. Boone Boulevard. “He said he had been lonely,” an officer wrote. “Ilya has a green card.” Apparently, Ilya got upset when the middle-age man refused to give him money, so Ilya pushed and grabbed the man and tried to throw him into a puddle. The man said, “Ilya boasts/steals things,” the officer wrote. “It has only been a couple of days since Ilya did drugs ... I advised [the man] that a drug addict/thief with violent tendencies was probably not someone he would want staying with him.” Ilya also goes by the name “Luke.”

A MAJESTIC RIDE: A 22-year-old man said he was at the Majestic Diner on Ponce de Leon Avenue at around 4 a.m. He said he went outside to smoke a cigarette and talk to a girl on the phone. He said an older-looking man asked him for change but he didn’t have any. Then, the 22-year-old man said, someone put a bag over his head and pushed him into a car. Inside the car, he said, a suspect kept feeling his back pockets for a wallet. He said they rode around for a short while, and then he opened the car door and jumped out. “As he was jumping out, the one suspect grabbed the bag over his head and pulled it off,” an officer wrote. The 22-year-old man said he called friends and they picked him up at the Masquerade club on North Avenue. His right eye was slightly injured, police noted. Nothing was stolen from the 22-year-old man during the alleged kidnapping.

BLONDE AMBITION: A female impersonator wearing a blonde wig and a short yellow dress was standing on Metropolitan Parkway, an undercover officer noted. The female impersonator approached the officer and asked what he was out doing. “I noticed that [his] penis was exposed, and bulging out of the side of the female underwear he had on,” the officer wrote. The female impersonator allegedly offered to perform oral sex for $30 or genital sex for $80. The female impersonator, age 29, was arrested for soliciting.

ANOTHER REASON AIRLINES SUCK: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a Louisiana man reported a lost bag to police. He said his bag contained a Para-Ordnance Tac Four handgun and it never arrived at the Atlanta airport. He said he talked to an airline representative, who said there was no way of knowing if the bag ever arrived because they don’t scan bags as they arrive in Atlanta. The man said AirTran had marked his bag with a large label that stated the bag contains a firearm. (Blotter Diva says: So a marked bag containing a gun is floating around some airport, while we all tote teeny-tiny bottles of liquids in plastic bags, and remove our shoes every 10 feet to satisfy security rules. Just an observation.)

THAT’S SMART THINKING: On Wellington Street, a woman said she walked out of her house and noticed her 2003 Kia Sedona was gone. She said she had left her car title inside the car. (She works for the Department of Motor Vehicles.) She said she put her $250 white-and-gold Dolce & Gabbana purse on her porch, and then walked inside to get the car insurance card. She said while she was inside, someone stole her purse.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words. Want more? Listen to the Blotter Diva on 92.9’s (Dave FM) “The Zakk Tyler Morning Show” every Tuesday between 6:30-7 a.m.