The Blotter 

Use your delusion

An officer responded to the desperate call from a woman who said her Hammond Park apartment was being robbed. Upon his arrival, the woman greeted him by explaining that "John F. Kennedy was her father and Diane Sawyer was her mother." Also, the woman said the one-and-only Tom Cruise had been hanging out at her apartment when the so-called robbery took place.

The woman claimed she'd been assaulted and, as such, wanted the CIA and the Secret Service to come and help her. Plus, the woman said she has diabetes and she wants medics to make sure she's "alive" by checking her pulse and sugar level.

The officer looked around her apartment. "I noticed that the 28-year-old woman had the heat on 90 degrees and she was sitting on the floor with sunglasses in a dark apartment." Nothing was stolen. There was no sign of forced entry. Medics arrived and checked her out — the woman didn't even have a scratch on her. They took her to a psych ward.

PEACE, LOVE, AND LOSS: Several people were feeling, perhaps, too trusting and serene when they went to a recent Hindu festival on Ponce de Leon Avenue. A thief was feeling less magnanimous — three parked cars were broken into during the event. Here's the loot: A College Park man said the thief swiped $2,100 worth of gold bracelets from his car, his backpack, and $100 cash. Another woman said two fancy rings were missing from her car, plus $200 cash and her iPad. A third victim — a 39-year-old Dunwoody woman — left her red purse and iPhone in her car. "She advised me that the Hindu are a peaceful people, so she didn't think twice about leaving her purse in her car," an officer wrote.

FREE FLOW: Trouble broke out at another intown summer festival. An officer saw a Connecticut man unzipping his pants as if he was about to go pee. Then, the man "looked around and noticed me standing nearby," the officer wrote. Aware, presumably, that he'd been busted, the man ran behind a trailer and started peeing there. The officer followed and saw the guy peeing "on the sidewalk in plain view of several hundred people, including about 10 children." The officer asked why the guy would urinate in front of hundreds of people, especially when "there were are no less than 20 portable restrooms within 20 feet of you?" The man replied, "Those bathrooms are too dirty for me to use."

The man smelled like he'd been boozing it up, so the officer promptly arrested him for indecent exposure and public urination. And this guy was on a roll: He said he'd "been arrested the day before in DeKalb County Police for acting disorderly while intoxicated."

FALSE SECURITY: In broad daylight, a guy dressed up in a fake security uniform robbed a fancy mini-grocery at the bottom of a swank Midtown condo building. The store clerk called 911, locked the store, and ran across the street sobbing and rubbing her eyes. A cop reviewed the store's surveillance video and clearly saw a man "wearing some kind of dark-colored security uniform with a badge, sunglasses, and an Atlanta Braves hat" enter the store around 10 a.m. The man asked the clerk for an item behind the counter, and when she leaned down to grab the item, the man doused her face with pepper spray. Also on video, the man swiped $427 in cash and ran away. No suspects.

The store clerk went to a hospital for her stinging eyes.

GETTING SCHOOLED: Oh, our troubled Atlanta Public Schools. The principal of Walter White Elementary — which is among the local schools closing for good — said he and a bunch of teachers, administrators, and outside contractors were cleaning out classrooms and preparing to move stuff to another school when someone stole two fancy LCD projectors from two different classrooms. Value: at least $500.

FIRE EXTINGUISHERS: During rush-hour traffic, an older woman in a nightgown and green flip-flops was wandering around in the middle of a road in Venetian Hills. Two firemen happened to drive by and see her looking lost and confused. "They were certain that if they did not pull over, the woman would have been hit by a car," an officer wrote. The firemen took care of her and called 911. She didn't even know her own name, but she knew she was from Haiti. She spoke both French and English, but she couldn't recall any names of her family or friends. The nightgown-clad lady also wore "horned-rimmed glasses and a New York Yankees knit cap." And she wasn't totally alone. "The woman had a very friendly pit bull with her (brown with a white stripe on its chest)," a cop noted. They took her to Grady Memorial Hospital for observation. Let's hope her family found her.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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