The Freshman 15: The do's and don'ts of college life
August 18, 2011
Starting college in Atlanta is exciting but also daunting. What if you flunk out of school? What if you don’t make friends? What are you going to do now that your old pot connection is hundreds of miles away? We can't guarantee that everyone won't hate you, but we can counsel you on how not to be a complete loser in college. What does your student adviser know anyway if he never got a real job after graduation? You'll inevitably make mistakes, but don't say we didn’t warn you.
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1. DON'T get sick
You know what happens when you invite a bunch of people to a party who have little in common and less to say to each other? At best, it's uncomfortable. At worst, the evening ends with a fight and broken furniture and someone leaves in an ambulance. This is also what happens to your body when you're not careful about mixing drinks and/or drugs. Stick with clear or brown liquor all night; mixing them is gross, tacky and a fast way to find yourself hugging a toilet. MDMA is way better if you're just drinking water. Mixing coke with heroin — or any form of speedballing — is the worst idea ever, unless your goal is to die. And if someone is actually sick and/or unresponsive, for the love of God, you need to CALL 911. Oh, and take those vitamins your parents sent you. They actually help.
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