Tuesday, March 13, 2012

"Handsome Dan" of Wizard Smoke's top 5 reasons to skip SXSW

Posted By on Tue, Mar 13, 2012 at 1:04 PM

sxsw_Wizard_Smoke.jpg
  • Ryan James

Lines: Even with a wristband, you're not gonna see Hot Band Du Jour #5117 unless you're present in line three hours before the showcase, directly behind the young couple tripping on nutmeg.

Crowds: Where there's smoke, there's fire. Likewise, where there are hundreds of obscure bands in a festival setting, there are droves of completely intolerable cocksuckers watching them.

The Austin Transformation: That legendary Tex-Mex restaurant you want to try later? It's called Las Manitas, and it was bulldozed in 2008 to make room for condominiums now owned by the University of Texas' best and brightest date rapists.

Awkward Run-Ins: You're virtually guaranteed to run into Judah Friedlander twice: once into the actual Judah Friedlander, and then again into Henry Owings.

I Can't Go, Neither Should You: Don't you people have jobs? Professional deadlines? You think you can just hang out in the Austin sunshine, get drunk, and listen to music all day, like a bunch of no-count, layabout longhairs? In the middle of the week? Outrageous! Fetch me my sour grape pie and get the fuck off my lawn.

Wizard Smoke plays 529 tonight (Tues., March 13) with Narrows, All Pigs Must Die, and Dead in the Dirt. $8. 9 p.m. 529 Flat Shoals Ave. 404-228-6769.

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