"God damn you Bill Compton. I love you!"
Oh, Bon Temps. It's good to be back. Season two of HBO's "True Blood" premiered last night in all of its B-movie glory. We picked up right where season one left off with Tara and Sookie mid-scream at the sight of a foot dangling from the the backseat of Andy Bellefleur's car. It appeared at first that the red toenails belonged to Lafayette. (He'd been shown painting them in one of last season's final episodes shortly before being attacked at the dumpster behind the bar.) The foot, however, belongs to Miss Jeanette, the ipecac-and-peyote-mixing voodoo swamp queen. Poor thing done had her heart ripped out.
Lafayette, meanwhile, is in some dank drippy basement dungeon chained at the neck to a series of giant gears with a handful of other prisoners. Soon, Royce, one of the Bon Temps rednecks responsible for burning down the vampire nest, is added to the group. We eventually find out that it's downstairs at Fangtasia and it quickly becomes clear that all of the prisoners are down there to pay for the misdeeds they've done to vampires: Royce for the triple murder and Lafayette for dealing V, most likely. When Royce asks Lafayette how long he's been down there, Lafayette responds through his 5 o'clock shadow that he has no idea. Now, I've always thought that the passage of time on "True Blood" felt a bit ambiguous (no one ever really seems to grieve except Sookie over some cereal or pie and it's unclear how long Bill and Sookie have been "dating" among other things), but last night's episode picked up at the exact moment season one ended the same night Lafayette disappeared, right? (Please correct me if I'm wrong.) That would mean he'd been captive for all of 45 minutes or so.
The mysterious Maryann is back again. The papaya-loving temptress had a real zinger upon meeting Tara's mom outside the police station: "I've always wondered what it would be like to gaze into the eyes of someone so devoid of human compassion that she would abandon her own child when she needed you most. Just as I thought emptiness, nothing inside." Damn! Pray on that Lettie Mae.
The Sam/Maryann relationship still hasn't been fully explained, but we did find out that as a 17 year old, the shape-shifting Sam wound up in Maryann's lavish den of turkey legs, tropical fruit and fertility statues. The two shared a night of literally Earth-shaking sex before he stole wads of money and hit the road. She's obviously returned for payback, only she's not accepting cash.
After Sam tells Sookie that he's sick of his "ass getting charred from sitting on the back burner waiting for her," she heads over to Bill's where she meets a towel-clad Jessica as if Bill hasn't had enough hassle for one evening explaining the house rules to the new vampire ( "Now we recycle in this house. Blue bins are for True Blood and other glass containers and the white bin is for paper products."). Sookie explains the difference between lying and protecting to Bill before storming out.
When Sookies learns of Uncle Bartlett's death, and her $11,000 inheritance from the child molester, she dumps the money on her brother Jason and heads over to Bill's to find out if he is, in fact, behind Uncle Bartlett's death. "I can't have people dying every time I get hurt," she says. "I can not and i will not lose you," Bill replies before declaring his, ahem, undying love for her in his sultry half Elvis/half Southern gentelman drawl. Ohhh Sookeh. Cue the vampire sex. (Note to Bill: White bed linens? Really?)
Bill and Sookie's relationship is hot, but she's like 21. This won't be any easy one to get out of if she ever decides she needs to find herself. I doubt Bill would take kindly to seeing other people.
Drink it up until next week:
I have some of my own swimming around in my head, but I'm interested to now if anyone else has any theories on Maryann.
Your name is Eggs? Really?
Anyone else notice how Tara's eyeshadow always matches her outfits now?
Is Terry Bellefleur crazy good or crazy bad?
Next week: It's not all about, you, Sam. Lafayette gets vamped up.
(Photo by Jaimie Trueblood)
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