Welcome to Bon Temps, where every day's Humpday! No one was safe from the hump last night, except for maybe Bill and Sookie for once. Lafayette was humping the couch; Jason was mind-humping Sarah Newlin; Tara was humping Eggs; Sam and Daphne ditched Tara's party to hump; and Bon Tempians in general were humping anything within humping distance. But what brought all this on? How did folks get into such a humptastic state of mind in the first place? Let's start at the beginning.
Jason hasn't been fitting in too well with his bunkmates Luke in particular over at the Light of Day Institute. It seems that Jason isn't the only one who'd like a slice of Sarah Newlin's banana pudding. Returning after dark, Jason opens the door to reveal his dozen or so roommates covered in blood and strewn lifeless about the room. A hooded assassin ambushes Jason from the shadows, threatening his life with vampire-like abandon. It's just Luke, though, playing a silly prank along with all of the other silly ketchup-covered boys. A smug Luke then asks Jason, whose lip was busted in the process, "How's that lip?" Jason: "It's fine. How's your nose?" To which Luke responds in the perfect setup for a right hook: "What?" Jason-1, Luke-0.
Later, the same group of Jocks for Jesus debates the first vampire Jesus or Dracula? and the true origins of evil. Luke: "The first evil was Eve. That's why they call it Eve-il." Jason: [Looks confused, bewildered.] Luke: "One thing's for sure. God always punishes evil." Jason: "Oh yeah? Then explain Europe to me." Zing! Jason-2, Luke-0.
Bill, meanwhile, is busy scolding Hoyt who was getting busy with Jessica on his antique couch. But it's not the couch Bill's worried about it's Hoyt. Bill only trusts Jessica as far as he can throw her (which is actually pretty far, come to think of it). He loses all sense of Southern decorum, however, saying to Hoyt, "Get out or I will throw you out of a window that's closed." Gasp! Sookie, appalled at his gumption, reprimands, "Bill that's just rude." Well, at least one person has manners in this town of heathens and perverts. Sheesh. Sookie then tries to convince Bill that Jessica should come with them on their trip to Dallas. She can't understand why he's so hard on Jessica until Bill reminds her, "I am a vampire. I'm supposed to be tormented."
The three fly Anubis Air to Dallas where a limo awaits them in a private hangar. Sookie disembarks as Bill and Jessica's coffins are being unloaded and makes her way over to the chaffeur with a bottle of airplane liquor in her hand, cooing "I've always loved these things. It's like alcohol for dolls! They gave me 10." Despite her semi-altered state, Sookie tunes into the limo driver/buzzkill's thoughts and learns that he's there to kidnap her. Bill, of course, bursts out of his coffin to save Sookie and the four head over to Hotel Camilla to get to the bottom of it all. Bill pressures Eric for info on Godric and it's eventually revealed that the Fellowship of the Sun is behind Godric's kidnapping and Sookie's attempted one.
Speaking of the Fellowship of the Sun, Jason's become a regular dinner guest at the Newlins. The couple clearly has their googly eyed sights set on brainwashing him with barbecue and paintball. (Sarah: "Steve, I was thinkin' Jason has the makings of a true soldier of God." Steve: "I was just thinking the same thing.") After an intense run through a vampire-killing bootcamp (Jason: "How you like me know you dead-ass motherfuckers?!"), the three settle in for some of Sarah's famous ribs. Jason entertains a finger-lickin' fantasy involving Sarah, a wind machine and grilled meats to the tune of Sammy Kershaw's "Louisiana Hot Sauce."
Back in Bon Temps, cops Bud and Kenya stand of the cadaver of Miss Jeaneatte. Remember Miss Jeaneatte? The voodoo swamp lady that had her heart ripped out? Well it turns out that she's got the same clawmarks on her back as Daphne, except Daphne somehow survived her attack.
Tara's moved in with Sookie and is spending her birthday alone on the couch eating chips and having a cry. Maryann, Eggs and Karl surprise her with a wedding cake, presents and the promise of a birthday throwdown that evening. Lafayette, on the other hand, is rotting away at home under an afghan until Eric appears and offers Lafayette his blood. He begrudgingly accepts, and the V sends hims gyrating feverishly about the room, no piece of furniture, no section of carpet, no pocket of air safe from his thrusts.
The whole town's over at the old Stackhouse place for the party, and it shows at Merlotte's. The place is dead. As Sam's getting ready to close, Lettie Mae shows up with a birthday present for Tara, and Sam promises to deliver it to her. Like all of Maryann's get togethers, folks prefer to bump and grind rather than talk about the weather. This party, however, reaches disturbing levels of primitive eroticism. Maryann sets up shop in the backyard and to vibrate and chant. People begin hit each other, convulse on the ground eating dirt, and practically rip off each other's flesh. All this while Tara and Eggs are doing the deed in Sookie's bed. It seemed as though she was summoning the combined sexual energy of the entire party and channeling it to Eggs and Tara, reducing the townspeople to animals. Yikes. Oh and by the way, Maryann's hands turn into piggy three-fingered claws when she meditates. Double yikes.
Thoughts and observations:
Anubis, as in Anubis Air, is the Greek name for the jackal-headed Egyptian god that guards the dead and accompanies them into the afterlife.
Camilla, as in Hotel Camilla where Bill, Sookie and Jessica are satying in Dallas, likely refers to the videogame Castlevania: Circle of the Moon. In Castlevania, Camilla tries to revive Dracula so that she may serve him.
How did Daphne manage to survive the beast/Maryann's attack? And how did she "know" about Sam? Is she in cahoots with the lady beast?
Sookie's not alone; Barry the bellhop can read minds!!!
(Photo courtesy HBO)
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