Thursday, July 23, 2009

‘True Blood’ season 2, episode 5

Posted By on Thu, Jul 23, 2009 at 10:57 PM

click to enlarge WHO YOU CALLING A HOOKER? Too hot in the hot tub for Jason Stackhouse
  • WHO YOU CALLING A HOOKER? Too hot in the hot tub for Jason Stackhouse

Hey folks. Apologies for the delay on this week's recap. Summer vacation rang and I answered, so I'm a few days behind. But fear not! Here to combat your mid-week "True Blood" cravings is a look at last Sunday's episode, and boy was it a juicy one.

Daphne leads Sam into the woods behind Sookie's house during Tara's party, shedding various clothing items along the way. (Love those boots!) Sam follows behind, collecting her discarded layers until he comes face to face with a deer. The animal quickly morphs into nudey-patootie doe-eyed Daphne, and Sam, it seems, has finally found his match. Terry and Arlene look on between gropes from a neighboring set of bushes. (Terry: "Good party!") Somehow the foursome is immune to Maryann's belligerent orgy, though. Sam and Daphne are shapeshifters and perhaps "immune" to a certain extent to Maryann's powers, but how do you explain Terry and Arlene? I guess the madness is restricted to the house and it's immediate outdoor areas.

Sookie, too, has met her match, so to speak, in Barry the bellhop. The pair's adventures in telepathy, however, are short lived. Barry hasn't learned how to block out the noise and refuses Sookie's pleas to allow her to help: Barry doesn't want the vampires to find out about his special gift. Big-city vamps, apparently, are way worse than Sookie's pansy small-town blood suckers. Oh no he didn't!

Things are heating up Chez Newlin, aka The Bunker. The Mister and Missus go all Full Metal Jacket on their soldiers of God, enlisting drill sergeant of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, Gabe, who bursts into Jason's room barking "Rise and shine for God!" while making liberal use of his bullhorn. Now you can't very well battle vampires successfully if you're running a 10-minute mile, so Gabe pushes a hardcore cardio/calisthenics bootcamp. The workout's really just a vehicle for his snappy one-liners, which are by all accounts quite snappy: "I'll tell you when you can laugh you piss ant little sinner!" "I just pray Jesus isn't watching this crapshow." "Now that's a frickin' Soldier of God!" And other such gems.

That evening, it's trouble in proverbial paradise as Sarah and Steve have a muted, pursed-lip quarrel. When Jason appears in his sweaty standard-order LODI tracksuit, Sarah can barely keep herself from pouncing. Steve quickly ushers Jason out of the room, saying, ""Between you and me, I understand why some people get a divorce." Jason responds, "But you have Sarah." "Yeah. I have her even when I don't want her." [Chuckles.] Ah marriage, that blessed and holiest of unions.

Once in the basement, Steve reveals his stockpile of high-grade weapons to the young recruit, who grabs a missile launcher and exclaims "AMEN!" Later, Jason relaxes in a milky, gold-plated bath with thoughts of bazookas and banana pudding dancing in his head. Sarah tiptoes in panting something about God wanting to reward Jason before reaching her hand into the unholy bathwater, saying "Mary Magdalene washed the feet of Jesus and dried them with her hair," and Jason replies, "Wasn't she, like, a hooker?" My. Such insight these church folk have. If Jesus was still in a grave, I'm sure he'd be rolling over in it.

Bill and Sookie's relationship has been a bit of an afterthought the last few episodes, with Bill maintaining a solid look of concern, Sookie prancing around in sundresses/nighties depending on the time of day, and their, ahem, relations only appearing in the occasional shadowy blip. There are some people you'd rather just sleep with than listen to, and as a couple, Bill and Sookie fall into that category. Exchanges such as Bill: "I feel like a waitress." Sookie: "You're walking in my shoes and it's giving you blisters," or comments such as Sookie saying to Bill, "You have a heart whether it beats or not," are almost too precious to bear. Ah, well. At least they're few and far between.

Sookie, Bill and Eric finally meet with Dallas vampires Stan and Isabel to figure out this Godric business. Stan wants to wage an all-out war, while Isabel thinks they need to be a bit more discreet, more PC about it. After the meeting, Bill again confronts Eric about the importance of Godric, and the Louisiana sheriff reveals via flashback that Godric is his maker. Rut-roh!

Back in Bon Temps, Maryann wants to move in with Tara and Sookie — apparently she was just borrowing that sweet-ass house from a client, because that's what clients do, you know, lend out sweet-ass houses and stuff. But Tara ain't havin' that, and says to Eggs, "What are you people? Nomads? Fucking Bedouins?" Miffed, Maryann turns Merlotte's against Tara, sending her running back to Maryann's arms, which, it should be noted, are now adorned in a dowdy floral print and resting on the kitchen table in an eerily Gran-like pose.

Speaking of Merlotte's, Lafayette is back ("Thank God!" exclaims the exasperated Terry) and Sam and Daphne do it on the pool table. Sam: "Nice rack." Daphne: "Nice balls." Pun intended.

QUOTABLE QUOTES:

Sookie: "Is this the continental breakfast?"

Barry: "Yes. Why?"

Sookie: "It's not very ... continental."

Barry: "Well the danishes are Danish. And they're free, so..."

Hoyt (answering Jessica's phone call): "You're talking to the man!"

NEXT WEEK: Sookie tries to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun, there's a new vampiress on the block, and what about Daphne's back scratches? I want answers!

(Photo courtesy HBO)

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