'True Blood' wrapped up two Sundays ago, sadly, but it did snag an Emmy at last Sunday's awards for Outstanding Casting for a Drama Series. So what moments from this season helped earn the cast its trophy? Here's our countdown of the season's top 10 best moments, as well as some of its most memorable quotes (PIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!).
10. GODRIC'S PAD IS DA BOMB (episode 9)
Luke blows Godric's lair to kingdom come in the name of Rev. Newlin. Bill watches, stunned, from the driveway where hes just escorted Lorena (You may be immortal, Lorena, but you are dead to me). From the front yard, it looks as though the white-hot blast eviscerated everything: men, vampires, and Barcaloungers alike.
Bill rushes inside and finds Sookie still alive and sprawled on the floor beneath Eric, who shielded her from the blast. The inside is littered with insides. On Erics command, Bill exits as quickly as he arrived to snag and punish Lukes cohorts. Eric feigns dying, imploring Sookie to suck the silver shrapnel from his chest. Sookie, who thinks thats like totally gross, refuses, until Eric exhales in a melodramatic whimper (gasp) dying (gasp) and lets a limp arm fall to the floor with a thud. Next thing we (and Bill) know, Sookies straddling Eric and literally licking his wounds. This kind of hanky panky has consequences, Bill tells Sookie. Since shes now swallowed Erics blood, the two are forever connected. Like Bill, hell always be able to sense her emotions and Sookie will feel sexually attracted to Eric. I could kill him, Sookie says later on. I concur, says Bill.
9. CARBO LOADED HEART-TO-HEART (episode 11)
Andy and Jason had some of the best overall moments in season 2, both together and separately. One of the most memorable of them together took place as they readied themselves for war by carbo loading in Jasons pick-up. The moments leading up to any battle are often fraught with emotion. Andy divulges that hes always been jealous of how easy it seems Jasons had it, particularly with the women. I work out like a motherfucker, says Jason. And I watch a lot of porn to learn stuff. But the pair, recognizing that the future of Bon Temps lies in their hands, puts their differences aside: This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumbasses, but theyre still American, Andy. That used to mean somethin, Andy replies. It still does.
8. FOIL ME ONCE (episode 2)
In Fangtasias dungeon, Eric splatters Lafayette with Royce chunks as he finishes his feeding frenzy. Eric becomes worried about his hair, layered through with carefully placed highlighting foils. Eric: Is there blood in my hair? Lafayette: Yeah, theres a little bit of blood in there.
7. LAFAYETTE DOES THE HUMPTY HUMP (episode 4)
Lafayette rots away at home under an afghan after being shot by Fangtasia's jumpy blond barkeep. Eric appears at the chef/drug dealer/internet entrepreneur's window and offers him his blood. Lafayette begrudgingly accepts, and the V sends hims gyrating feverishly about the room, no piece of furniture, no section of carpet, no pocket of air safe from his thrusts.
6. CHICKEN-FRIED LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT (episode 3)
One evening, Jessica stops by Merlottes, where she runs into Hoyt. Hoyts immediately smitten with the vampiress in the yellow sundress and joins her at her booth. Ever the gentleman, Hoyt recommends his favorite dish on the menu: You hungry? You should try the chicken-fried steak. Its like a chicken and a steak got together and had a baby a delicious, crispy baby. Later on at the Compton place, the two quickly get to necking, and Jessicas fangs pop out. This is so embarassin, she says. Id die if I wasnt already dead.
5. JASON'S FINGER-LICKIN' FANTASY (episode 4)
LODI's golden child, Jason, becomes a regular dinner guest at the Newlin's. The couple clearly has their googly eyed sights set on brainwashing him with barbecue and paintball. (Sarah: Steve, I was thinkin Jason has the makings of a true soldier of God. Steve: I was just thinking the same thing.) After an intense run through a vampire-killing bootcamp (Jason: How you like me know you dead-ass motherfuckers?!), the three settle in for some of Sarahs famous ribs. Jason entertains a finger-lickin fantasy involving Sarah, a wind machine and grilled meats to the tune of Sammy Kershaws Louisiana Hot Sauce.
4. LORENA AND BILL'S BEDTIME BLOODBATH (episode 6)
Lorena and Bill case a house party in Chicago, 1926, while posing as moneyed French globetrotters. As Bill hammers out a tune on the piano, Lorena charms their hosts. Cut to later, and Bill and Lorena are terrorizing the couple. Lorena feeds on the man as Bill drags in the female companion. Lorena forces her victim to watch as Bill rips into the womans throat, drenching the bed in her blood and fleshy bits. Before long, Bill and Lorena are getting a whole other kinda freaky in said bed.
3. JASON CHANNELS THE GOD WHO COMES (episode 10)
Jason shows up at Merlottes looking like a cross between Michael Meyers and Ty Pennington. Chainsaw in hand, he storms the bar, revving the weapon. Between all of the oral sex, drinking of beer straight from the tap and licking of mustard off thighs, Jason fails to make much of an impact. Ultimately, it takes threatening Arlene with a nail gun for Terry to make his forces retreat. Sam and Andys rescue is short-lived, however, and Sam is forced to give himself up. As the heathens rope Sam to the top of a station wagon, they become distracted as the sky alights in red bursts. We can see that its just a shirtless Jason in a gas mask holding road flares, but through the tripped-out eyes of the hypnotized it looks a hekuva lot like the God Who Comes.
Jason promises great weather and good crops for the sacrifice of Sam. The bar owner climbs down from the top of the car, playing along with Jasons act and begging Lord, lord, smite me! I got no idea what youre saying, whispers Jason. Smite me motherfucker! yells Sam. I smite thee! he says and Sam disappears, having shape shifted away. Once the crowd disperses, Sam shows back up inexplicably with an apron tied around his waist, putting out flares with a fire extinguisher. Thats the last drink Im ever taking, says Andy.
2. MARYANN'S HUNTER'S SOUFFLE (episode eight)
What does Maryann do with all those human hearts she cuts out of folks? Well, she slices and dices them and tosses them into a Hunters Soufflé, of course. In a seemingly endless stomach-turning closeup, we watched as a humming Maryann manhandled and cut up Daphnes still-warm heart. The organ oozed red stuff all over the plate and before being scraped into the pan with some sauteing veggies. Anyone else just throw up a little bit? No, well what about when Tara and Eggs devoured the fresh soufflé, its gravy a menacing magenta, its meaty bits nauseatingly stringy. The meal sent the young couple into an erotic fist-throwing frenzy, culminating with the two humping violently in the front hall, eyes blacked out. I probably wouldve considered changing the channel if I hadnt been so paralyzed with horror/disbelief.
1. MARYANN'S HORNY END (episode 12)
After licking a bloody ostrich egg, watching her boss get stabbed in the chest, and toppling a rotting, fleshy totem, Sookie books it out of the sacrificial circle as Maryann chases her, piggy claws out. Sookie seems to be doomed to suffer the fate she so narrowly escaped in episode 3, until Maryann comes face to face with her marital bull. She retracts her claws to fawn over the bull god and it gores her viciously. Her gullet oozes dark, tarry bile as the animal transforms into Sam, who yanks out Maryanns blackened and decayed heart-type organ. She falls to the ground, a zombified corpse. Ding dong the witch is dead. Phew.
LINES WE'RE STILL QUOTING:
Sarah doesnt whip out her banana pudding for just anybody. - Steve Newlin, ep. 3
I am a vampire. Im supposed to be tormented. - Bill, ep. 4
Ill tell you when you can laugh you piss ant little sinner! I just pray Jesus isnt watching this crapshow. Now thats a frickin Soldier of God! - Gabe, ep. 5
In my experience nothing good can come from drum music it only leads to hippies and cults. - Sam, ep. 6
God dang it Momma! Now Jessicas gonna think that Im like one of those guys that doesnt text back. - Hoyt, ep. 6
You didnt go on any damn gay cruise! If you did youd have come back with more pizazz not less! - Andy, ep. 6
I know that pig! - Andy, ep. 6
Wait. Lets think about this. A. Steve has guns. Then theres the lockdown tomorrow night. And secondly were gonna be locked in this church with Steve and his guns all night. - Jason, ep. 7
I totally woulda been a slut if I coulda gotten away with it. - Jessica, ep. 7
There are several exits actually. For you, the easiest one takes you straight to hell. - Steve Newlin, ep. 8
Jason: "Honesty!" LODI Cadette: "DUDE. HONESTY!" ep. 8
Did your boyfriend tell you he hit me over the head with a 52-inch plasma screen television tonight? Everyone says theyre so thin and light, but when wielded properly, they deliver quite a whippin. - Lorena, ep. 8
Im not a baby! Im a grown-ass man! - Hoyt, ep. 9
I had a nanny. Her name was Annie. Annie the nanny. One time she told me this story that in the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Youre kind of like the one-eyed guy, Sam. I have no idea what youre talking about, says Sam. I dont either, Andy replies; ep. 10
At least shoot the cheap liquor! Bottom shelf! Bottom shelf! - Arlene, ep. 10
If what you say is true, we need to kill that bitch. - Andy, ep. 10
Sometimes you have to destroy something in order to save it. Thats in the Bible or the Constitution. - Jason, ep. 11
Sookie: Im gonna kick that evil bitchs ass outta my Grans house and then you are gonna shoot her. Lafayette: In the fuckin head. ep. 11
You might have your faults Andy, but at least you have pants on. - Sheriff Dearborn, ep. 12
(Photos courtesy HBO)
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