When difficult questions arise, I often turn to the cast of the Lethal Weapon movies for quick answers.
Q: Should I go inside to order food, or pull up to the drive-thru window?
A: "Don't ever go up to the drive-thru, OK? Always walk up to the counter," says Joe Pesci's character Leo Getz in Lethal Weapon 2. "They fuck you at the drive-thru."
Q: Who's responsible for all the wars in the world?
"The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," says Mel Gibson.
To be clear, this line wasn't actually from a Lethal Weapon movie. Gibson said it to the L.A. County deputy who arrested him for DUI in 2006. Nevertheless, it's not too far removed from the sort of thing Gibson's intemperate Lethal Weapon character might have said, were it not for the fact that Jews control the content of every Hollywood movie.
Q: Was Haiti's earthquake actually a man-made disaster?
Yes, says Lethal Weapon co-lead Danny Glover, who's been keeping busy lately issuing public statements that make his buddy Mel seem reasonable by comparison.
Speaking to satellite and online news program GRITtv, Glover insinuated that the Jan. 12 earthquake in Haiti was the result of December's failed United Nations climate summit in Copenhagen.
Glover's not the only person to pin blame for the quake on human malfeasance.
(Photo illustration by Andisheh Nouraee)
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