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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

‘24:’ Episode 5, 8-9 p.m.: Lady balls

click to enlarge Quit staring at my thumbs, crazy lady!
  • Quit staring at my thumbs, crazy lady!

You know how there are certain things that are cool for you to do, but when someone else does the exact same thing it's really goddamn annoying? Like, when I'm mentally unstable and torturing people to get information to save the country/world/humanity it's one thing, but when you do it, well, it's just plain wrong. Just because I tried to suffocate my brother with a plastic bag doesn't mean you can run around cutting off thumbs. I'm Jack Freakin' Bauer for crying out loud.

"24's" taken an intriguing turn the past two hours, making Renee the rogue, "I play by my own rules" federal agent and Jack the overprotective tight ass. (All of a sudden Jack cares about the rights of all people? What's next? Reading the New York Times and quoting Jimmy Carter?!) I'm kind of enjoying the role reversal and wonder if it'll lead to any personal revelations for the former CTU agent. Or maybe he'll just snap out of it and jump back on the blood wagon. People's lives are at stake!

The attempt on Hassan's life has left everyone on edge. Hassan in particular, who's basically formed a brute squad back home for the requisite name taking and ass kicking. Knowing that Hassan's round-up will eventually end in executions, President Taylor urges the Kamistani(?) president not to react so feverishly, to consider human rights. Hassan replies that strong-fisted displays of power such as mass executions that pay no heed to the rule of law are the only thing his people understand. Well, at least this show doesn't stereotype.

Hassan tries to smooth things out with Dalia by admitting and renouncing his affair, but it's too late. Dalia leaves Omar, knowing she'll never find another man with that hair, but also knowing that it's over between them. Speaking of rich, flowing locks, Omar's brother Farhad, creeps ever closer to securing the weapons-grade uranium from the Russians. He can get the money wired to Bazhaev within the next five hours. How to pass the time between now and then? Catch up on Sudoku? Update his Facebook page? Canoodle with a pair of Russian prostitutes? Option No. 3 will have to do.

CTU is abuzz setting up covers for Jack (as a Munich-based arms dealer named Ernest Meier) and Renee. Dana-Jenny should be wrapping it up and sending to Jack, who's en route with Renee, but instead she's on the phone with Kevin who demands she return home. In 15 minutes — no, make that 30 — or he'll tell Cole EVERYTHING. Dana-Jenny, left with no other choice, asks Arlo to finish up her work. He agrees after muttering a few desperate, unauthentic come-ons. Dana-Jenny finds Kevin at home with another borderline-redneck dude she knows from better days in Rocksprings. Kevin demands she use her work clearance to siphon at least six figures out of some bank accounts. When she refuses, he gets physically violent, slapping Dana-Jenny. Why she doesn't employ her Fembot bra guns on Kevin is anyone's guess. We do find out, however, that she's an ex-con — an accessory to murder to be exact.

At the auto shop, Renee's promise of a $2-$3 million payoff convinces the one-thumbed Ziya to take to her to Vladimir. On the way to Vlad's hideout, Ziya prods Renee about her past with the Russian mobster. She's not interested in discussing, but Jack's curiosity is piqued, and he asks Chloe to dig around and find out what really went down between Renee and Vlad. When Jack finds out Vlad beat and possibly raped her, he becomes even more worried about her involvement in the mission. But Renee's got nothing to lose, and plays it übercool as Vlad grills her about the deal, Mexico City, and her true identity. Unconvinced, Vlad moves the interrogation to a nearby river, where he shoots and kills Ziya as he kneels next to Renee. She doesn't blink. And when he shoves a gun in her face, she orders him to kill her because you know what? She's sick of his bullshit and just wants to make some money. Now that's what we call lady balls.

(Photo by Kelsey McNeal/FOX)

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