Friday, April 9, 2010

Bobby's Reality Check: Having a Moment

Posted By on Fri, Apr 9, 2010 at 8:51 PM

click to enlarge BETHENNY hated her moment of being beat-up on the Brooklyn Bridge. Don't jump off!
  • BETHENNY hated her moment of being beat-up on the Brooklyn Bridge. Don't jump off!

"I love it. I hate it. I'm over it. I love it." So goes the astute gay ramblings of skinny-fat icon Christian Siriano on his Bravo special "Christian Siriano: Having a Moment." I could relate to Christian's wise words throughout all of this week's reality offerings. Much like going to marriage counseling for a dying relationship that both parties are fighting so hard for yet no one seems to remember why, I continued by plunge into the mindless abyss of reality programming--and for what? But like Christian, this Ramona-coaster had a lot of moments.

I love Christian. I hate Christian. I'm over Christian. I love Christian. It took me a while to warm up to the precocious designer during the fourth season of "Project Runway," back when it was good, permanently in New York and on Bravo. But once Christian gets under your skin, he'll be there forever. Those season four days were the days when you could have heated arguments with coworkers as to whether Christian, Rami or Jillian were the best designer, and really mean it. Such a simpler time. I was on team Jillian at the time, but the young whippersnapper won, and the rest is history. Since winning the once-coveted prize, Christian has been the only designer doing anything with his win. Showing at Fashion Week, doing a diffusion line with Payless Shoes. What the hell are you doing, Jeffrey Sebelia. Still wasting away in Houston, Chloe Dao? And poor Jay McCarroll, you're hanging with Bobby Brown on VH1's "Celebrity Fit Club."

Christian has the talent and the New York drive to be successful, but his one-off show was just as important for Bravo as it was for him. It felt like Bravo was trying to brag that "Project Runway" meant something when it was on their channel and not on Lifetime. "Look at our winner, he's the fashion world darling," Andy Cohen probably laughed to himself in his executive corner office. But is he the fashion world darling? He's Tori Spelling's darling, at least.

During the show, we see Christian at work, slaving away before his big fashion show with the help of his cute Nordic assistant and Korean interns. Everyone is on team Christian, and there's a real sense of camaraderie. After the moment-filled fashion show, where nearly evvvverything hinged on disaster, we take a little trip to his home state of Maryland with his lovably attention-hogging Italian mother and coattail-riding boyfriend Brad. The two have been dating for a while (and did you see their apartment! Christian is raking it in!), but his bitterness is apparent. "When we met, it was me who had all the connection," Brad said about their role reversal. "I make the music for Christian's shows and that's a really big deal to me," he said in regards to his stalling DJ career (Bravo included a fantastic clip of his talented moaning. What is with reality TV and hilarious music moments, from "Tardy to the Party" to "The Real World" New Orleans' "Come on be my Baby Tonight." Please tell me you remember that.) I guess he must love Christian to sit with Ms. Siriano and look at naked baby pictures with her while talking about Christian's small peepee. That was a moment for sure. But it just wasn't the same without OG Tim Gunn though.

Ol' Timmy Boy was there on last night's "Project Runway," the next to-next to final episode where they pick the three designers going to Bryant Park. Everyone's career was on the line, they had to design for their lives. And what challenge would befit such a dramatic event? Why not a circus-themed challenge! So the designers roughed it up to Coney Island, caught a Ringling Bros. show, and whipped up some Michael Jackson jackets and Britney Spears ringleader get-ups. Special guest Cynthia Rowley, who is so unspecial after judging a multitude of failed reality competitions, helped Tangerine Kors and Neenah Gahseeuh whittle down the five designers to three. With everyone's outfit pretty tacky, I was hoping they'd call the whole show off. But instead, "PR" did a classic "PR" move and tied matronly Mila and juvenile Jay after kicking off Atlanta's sweetheart Anthony for a second time after bringing him back last week. As typical a move as  it is, both Jay and Mila have to create a collection, but the judges will decide which shows at Fashion Week. Oh the drama! I'm having a moment!

But the ladies are just rehashing old moments on "The Real Housewives of New York," more violently than each episode before, and it's getting painful. The real punching bag last night was Bethenny, and I really don't think she deserved it. Unless she did something really horrible in a past-life and this is karmic retribution of the highest power televised to the nation, I really don't think she deserved any of it. But lets start from the beginning.

Bethenny called Jill last week to try to see why their fight over the summer had blown-up into such a huge fiasco. While Bethenny bared her made-for-TV soul to J.Zarin over the phone, Jill had her on speakerphone for Countless Cougar and other hanger-ons to laugh at. B-Frank wanted to talk to Ramona about it, while walking the Brooklyn Bridge to meet Simon-and-Alex (it's not even Alex-and-Simon anymore), you know, normal Housewife activity, and literally out of nowhere Ramoner says to a sensitive Bethenny, "At least I have friends. You have no friends in your life. Right now you have Jason, and you'll probably mess that up too." Ramona has no sense of timing, so it wasn't so much an attack on Bethenny as just really cruel insanity, but still, what a way to start an episode. For once realizing that she may have crossed a line, Ramonie decided the best way to bring Bethenny and Jill Zarin back together would be an ambush attack at her apartment with cameras present. Will Bethenny have a moment of clarity, or will she hop aboard the Ramona-coaster?

Meanwhile, LuAnn left those small people that call themselves "her children" in the Hamptons and is back in the city. "She usually stays in a hotel, darling," she admits, except she's only stayed with Jill every single time so far. So Jill welcomes the Countless into her windowless lair before going to sleep wearing full make-up, done hair and a sexy nightie. Gross as that is, it's nothing compared to LuAnn. I was not at all prepared to see her all cougared up in a slip under the covers. They should have had a commercial warning or something. I now know what her Hamptons gardener boys must have witnessed just the night before. Scarring. Are Jill and LuAnn even friends? They're more like partners in crime. LuAnn is always trying to say nice things but Jill cuts her off, waiting for her turn to say something. LuAnn was in bed, working on a great idea. "I have a really good idea for a fund-raiser" for a consignment store, she said with a twinkle in her lifted eye. Her brilliant idea? She went into the shop and told the adorable owner "I think that we should have some party or something." BRILLIANT! Give this woman a medal!

Later Bethenny came back from L.A. where her estranged father on his death bed refused to see her, and what-do-you-know, time to confront Jill Zarin. Bethenny should never take advice from Ramonaz on anything, but she was obviously in a fragile state of mind. She walked into Ramona's apartment, around the corner to the bedroom Jill was in, and everyone froze. Jill was having none of it. She had made a list of things Bethenny ever did wrong to her and forgotten to keep it in her purse at all times in a ziploc bag to protect it from the elements. She was not prepared to fight. "I don't want for me to win and for you to lose, because then we all lose," Bethenny tearfully pleaded, but Jill was out for blood. There's only winning when you're a housewife.

After tears and yelling and Ramania and Cougar Woman enjoying the fight from behind a wall, LuAnn pulled Jill aside and said their car was waiting. Bethenny left first, making sure to stay behind with her ear pressed against the door to hear what they would say. Ramona then sided with Jill, telling her she understands J.Zarin is all cried out. But Zarin wasn't all cried out. She was just getting started. Jill is like an Olympic athlete in bitchery, and her moment for gold will soon be upon us. I can just feel it.

(Photo courtesy Bravo)

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