Friday, April 23, 2010

Bobby's Reality Check: '39 and Pregnant'

Posted By on Fri, Apr 23, 2010 at 6:49 PM

click to enlarge Is my baby back there?
  • Is my baby back there?

On the "Life After Labor" reunion show for the indelible "16 and Pregnant," Guru Drew asked how many of the young mothers had an absent father. Nearly all the girls raised their hands, and Drew quickly informed that growing up without a father is a "high risk factor for teen pregnancy." I think it's also be a high risk for appearing on reality TV. Both Bethenny and Ramona have described their complete lack of a father figure on "The Real Housewives of New York"--could there be a connection? Only Dr. Drew knows. Bethenny announced to the world that she's with child, and a shot-gun wedding will shortly follow. All I know is "39 and Pregnant" just doesn't have the same ring.

Poor Kailyn from "16 and Pregnant" had her life all backwards. Her floozy mother, "in-between houses" and living at a hotel temporarily, was too busy with her new boyfriend to help her pregnant daughter prepare for a baby or look at the nearby community college. She had no contact with her father (yet!). And her boyfriend Jo, whom she moved in with, was starting to feel really trapped and taking it out on Kail. Her mother-in-law was surprisingly her biggest supporter, letting Kailyn live with them and acting as a shoulder to cry on when Jo would not talk to her. Mothers-in-law are never this nice, but Kailyn lucked out and deserved it. But what of her dad? Kailyn dreamed of meeting her estranged father somewhere in the magical world of Texas, where fairies would fly and daughters could have unprotected sex and not get pregnant. Her dad's sister contacted Kailyn on Facebook, determined for the family to reunite, and before you know it, she's on a plane to Tejas.

'I wonder what my dad looks like? Probably soap-opera handsome,' Kailyn must have mused to herself on the plane before popping a few Ambien. When she woke up, much to her chagrin, she realized her dad actually looked like Freakshow from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. The missing teeth and beer-breath was bad enough, but when Kailyn spotted the refrigerator door dead-bolted to store the "$200 worth of meat" from god-knows-who, she was ready to bolt. But she couldn't. She still had a full week left to spend Thanksgiving with him. I feared for Kailyn and her unborn baby's life. That guy looked like the kind of serial killer you'd find in a 70s slasher flick.

This season had many more knocked-up teens than before, as evident by the way Dr. Drew rushed through the MILF's interviews during the wrap-up special. There was no times for tears, Kailyn, it was time for some idiot to propose. No time to thank your Dad for standing by you, it's time for the deadbeat baby-daddy to admit defeat. Dr Drew kept it moving, but the whole time I kept wondering to myself: why do these girls do it? I don't think they should have to be ashamed of their choices and I think they're brave for baring their dirty laundry on TV, but why publicize their crappy situations? It's not like "Real Housewives" where they are trying to convince the world of their fabulousness and unaware of the joke on them. The girls go into the show knowing that cameras are going to capture some of the hardest moments of their lives. Is our generation just so keen to over-sharing that the thought of not being on TV is more shocking than being 16 and pregnant? I bet Dr. Drew would have the answer.

It was time for "39 and pregnant" Bethenny to tell the girls on "The Real Housewives of New York" that she's officially engaged after her boyfriend found out she was knocked up. How sweet! But where were the cameras? If Bethenny can pee on a stick in front of the world, then certainly her little boyfriend can get down on one stupid knee for us to watch. Gawd. Everyone was thrilled for the news. Sweet Brooklyn house mouse said she would keep it a secret from her beard Simon and Ramona screamed up-and-down, grabbed her ringed hand and showed it to party-goers. But Jill Zarin. Jill Zarin ignored Big B all night at Kelly's party until she was about to leave, then fakely telling Bethenny how pretty the ring was. Typically materialistic.

I've decided that The Jill Zarin Band would be a great name for a band.

Love was in the air, and it didn't stop with Bethenny. Ramona, on her renewal Ramonacoaster, is planning on renewing her vows with hottie Tennis husband Mario. She tearily asked her own flesh-and-blood daughter Princess Avery to be her maid of honor. "What will I have to do if I decide to be your maid of honor?" Avery droned, her tiara tipping to the side. If!? Give this girl a gold star. The love didn't stop there. The Witches of the Hamptons Kelly, new It-girl Sonja and Countless LuAnn talked over drinks of their va-jay-jays shriveling up due to lack of sex. Must be that salty ocean breeze.

But something that continues to bring love to my heart is the Ramoment that Ramona walked the high school fashion show Brooklyn Fashion Week runway, eyes a-poppin and body possessed by the she-devil. Please enjoy this remix I found below, and feel free to share with those you love.

(Photo courtesy NBC Universal)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

Latest in Fresh Loaf

More by Bobby Feingold

  • Air Loaf: DIY music video directors

    CL's Chante Lagon and Rodney Carmichael talk about Atlanta's rising crop of mainstream rap video directors and the DIY techniques they're using to impact the industry
  • Air Loaf: Music for the weekend

    CL's Chante Lagon and Chad Radford talk about concerts in Atlanta
  • Air Loaf: Jeff Mangum

    Chante Lagon and Chad Radford discuss Neutral Milk Hotel's enigmatic leadman
  • More »
The Ultimate Doughnut Smackdown
The Ultimate Doughnut Smackdown

Search Events

Search Fresh Loaf

Recent Comments

© 2016 Creative Loafing Atlanta
Powered by Foundation