Monday, July 5, 2010

Special investigation: "To Catch THE Predator"

Posted By on Mon, Jul 5, 2010 at 4:06 PM

And are you aware that despite your claims, Jesse Ventura, Carl Weathers and Gary Busey are very much alive?
  • "And are you aware that despite your claims, Jesse Ventura, Carl Weathers and Gary Busey are very much alive?"
Official transcript: "Dateline NBC Special Investigation: To Catch THE Predator."

Narration (correspondent Chris Hansen): It’s one of the most troubling trends sweeping the globe: Scaly, mandibled creatures from outer space coming to Earth to hunt humans for sport. These so-called “Predators” have reportedly stalked vulnerable American commandos in Guatemala, Los Angeles and even Antarctica. Concerned parents want to know: Who are these Predators? How do they operate? Why do they have dreadlocks? Dateline NBC launched a sting operation to bring one of these alien hunters to justice.

Narration: First, we set up decoys in chat rooms where Predators are known to troll for human quarry. One of our producers stood in for an underage “Predator fan,” and soon enough struck up a conversation with “LongTusk69,” a middle-aged alien biped with a rent-to-own starship.

EASY_PREY: “being hunted for sport would be so hot! btw im only 15, but ive got a great pair of trophies. “

LONGTUSK69: “ive got just the spot picked out over my mantle. is there any night your parents will be away? I can come over and give you a good stalking — you wont know what hit you.”

EASY_PREY: “im “game,” lol. is it true you guys have blood that glows in the dark?”

LONGTUSK69: “there’s one way to find out. ive got my sights on you!”

Narration: But this time the hunter would be the hunted. Our producer told LongTusk69 that she’d be alone in the house on Friday night with minimal defensive capabilities and the keys to her father’s liquor cabinet. She emailed the address of a house in Kennesaw, Georgia, large enough for our 11 surveillance cameras, crew and hidden cache of surface-to-air missiles.

Narration: Friday night, the Predator arrives, having traveled more than 60,000 light-years — and crossing several state lines — to make his date. The predator rings the doorbell and sticks his head in the door.

Predator: “Clik-clik?” [Translation: “Knock-knock?”]

Decoy actress: “Oh, I hope that’s a big, well-armed alien hunter at the door! Come in and have a sweet tea. I was just changing into an outfit with less camouflage. ”

Predator: Okay, Clak clak-whirr! [“Okay! Just don’t keep me waiting too long!”]

Chris Hansen (enters): What exactly are you waiting for?

Predator: Clik-clik roar! [“Aw, HELL no!”]

Narration: In an apparent attempt to hide, the Predator activates his invisibility cloak and stands still.

Hansen: “What are you doing? We’ve got infrared cameras. Yes, we see you. You’re standing right there next to the coffee maker.”

Predator (turns off cloaking device): Snarl. [“This sucks.”]

Hansen: Why don’t you take off your hunting helmet and have a seat over at the bar for me, will you?

Predator: Grr snikt snikt snikt. Whir-grrr, man. [“I’ll never hear the end of this from the other predators. Game over, man.”]

Hansen: “So what brings you to this planet at this time of night?”

Predator: Um… ack ack. [“Um… nothing.”]

Hansen: “‘Nothing?’ In the chat room, you said you were coming over for ‘a good stalking.’ Are you aware that hunting underage humans is a felony in this state?”

Predator: Shlak-clik-clak! [“I wasn't! And I have a permit, I swear.”]

Hansen: “There’s no such thing as a ‘permit’ for hunting people for sport. Not even in Georgia.”

Predator: Grrr-clak clik. [“Anyway, I probably wasn’t even going to hunt her, really.”]

Hansen: “Not going to hunt her? Then why did you bring the laser net, plasma pistol, bladed gauntlets and smart-spear?”

Predator
: Urrr. Crik crak? [“I don’t know. To party?”]

Hansen
: “Are you even in this country legally?”

Predator: Cluk! Clik clak cluk. [“Of course! I’m totally not an alien.”]

Narration: Despite his protests, the Predator was transported to the county jail, where he was photographed, fingerprinted, strip-searched and incarcerated. Then he skinned his fellow inmates before escaping, leaving a radioactive crater where his cell had been. He is considered armed, dangerous and extremely frustrated. For more information on these alien hunters and how to prevent them in your community, see Predators, opening Friday, July 9 at area theaters.

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