Monday, July 5, 2010

Spoiler questions, now that we've seen Twilight: Eclipse

Posted By on Mon, Jul 5, 2010 at 9:27 AM

PAIN-FILLER JANE: Dakota Fanning drops a ch-ch-cherry bomb on Kristen Stewart
  • Summit Entertainment
  • PAIN-FILLER JANE: Dakota Fanning drops a ch-ch-cherry bomb on Kristen Stewart
As a recurring feature, these spoiler queries usually point out cinematic inconsistencies and plot holes that may have no real answer. Questions about The Twilight Saga: Eclipse may be a little different, as I’m sure these points can be addressed by either close readings of the books or a Twi-Hard’s in-depth analysis. Except for this one:

1. Why can’t the films give us better werewolves? Twilight is one of the most lucrative film franchises of our time, so why do the lycanthropes look so fakey? The CGI design improves for Eclipse’s horse-sized CGI hellhounds compared to their first appearance in New Moon, but they still come across as weightless and not really there. You can kind of sense the tennis balls the actors were looking at during filming.

2. This is it a nit that only a print journalist would pick. Early in the film, a newspaper indicates the deadly Seattle shenanigans with the two-deck headline “MURDERS, DISAPPEARANCES POSSIBLE WORK OF A SERIAL KILLER.” But that’s a terrible headline! Where’s the verb? Of course, the books’ tween fans may be too young to really know what newspapers are.

3. Why hasn’t Jacob “imprinted” on Bella? Apparently werewolves can imprint on other people and becoming excessively devoted to them (I guess the way that baby animals imprint on their mothers or surrogate parents, only a lot more stalkerish). Jacob describes how imprinting led to created a totally awkward love triangle among three of his lupine friends — which has clear parallels with relationship with Bella and Edward. But if Jacob’s so hung up on Bella, why hasn’t he imprinted on her by now? Or is he lying about it?

4. In a shot apparently inspired by recent zombie movies, Riley and his vampire army stride out of a body of water en route to Bella/Edward’s hometown of Forks. So did they walk underwater all the way from Seattle? Wouldn’t wading be the slowest possible means of conveyance (compared to driving, walking, canoeing, swimming, etc.)?

5. Who’s really responsible for the newborn army? We know that Victoria created it, with Riley as her newly-turned lieutenant, and that the Volturi (or at least a faction of them) knew about it. Were the Volturi helping Victoria? Or were they just supporting her by inaction? Did she even know about them?

6. Similarly, What does the Volturi and/or vampire Jane want? Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart’s co-star in The Runaways, plays Jane, who’s a kind of vampire princess and clearly supported the newborn attack on the monstrous folks of Forks. Does she want to kill Bella, who’s apparently immune to Jane’s thinking powers? Does she want to wipe out all of the Cullens, who seem far more friendly to human beings than other vampires? What’s she so mad at?

7. So why can’t Edward read Bella’s mind? That’s a thing, isn’t it?

8. Are these vampires made of diamonds, or concrete, or what? When the vampires get injured, their heads or limbs make smashing sounds like shattered cinderblocks. I’ve heard this is a side effect of the fact that vampires don’t have blood in their bodies — but isn’t the newborns’ super-strength attributed to the fact that they retain their human blood? (And do we see any evidence of this extra strength?)

9. At the end of the film, Bella says she wants to be a Cullen not just because she’s in love with Edward, but because she feels like she’s “stronger” and less of an outsider among the vampire family. How does she feel stronger if she’s spent basically three films passively under their protection? Did she feel empowered when Jacob ran her through the woods cradled in his arms?

10. What the heck are these?

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