Friday, October 15, 2010

The 'Jackass 3-D' awards for creative masochism

Posted By on Fri, Oct 15, 2010 at 3:22 PM

WE GONNA ROCK DOWN TO ELECTRIC AVENUE: Bam Margera discovers an aversion to stun guns
  • Courtesy of MTV/Paramount Pictures
  • WE GONNA ROCK DOWN TO ELECTRIC AVENUE: Bam Margera discovers an aversion to stun guns
Johnny Knoxville's Jackass movie trilogy follows a trajectory oddly like the George Clooney's Ocean's 11 films: delightful hijinks at first; sour, dour second part; lively comeback for finale. Knoxville and his merry pranksters seemed collectively sore and unhappy by the end of Jackass 2, but Jackass 3D delivers the same stupidly exhilirating rush of the first film. The following honors recognize the ensembles' commitment to self-destruction above and beyond the call of duty.

Most cartoonish prank: "The High Five," a giant hand that swings around a corner to wallop Knoxville's cast mates, including one guy carrying a tray of soup.

Most masochistic stunt: "Beehive Tetherball," in which two scantily-clad guys in bear hats whack a hive full of enranged bees back and forth. Steve-O remains calm, gets fewer stings and wins, while his opponent totally loses it.

Most sadistic stunt: “Lamborghini Tooth Pull," in which a sports car yanks out a guy's crooked incisor, leaving him incoherent with agony. Kind of pointless.

Best line: "Ah! My ass meat!" Knoxville wails after a canine encounter.

Best executed public prank: Jason "Wee Man" Acuna brings a little gal pal to a bar, her undersized boyfriend confronts them, leaves and returns with a gang of midgets, leading to a brawl that's broken up by undersized police officers and paramedics.

Most overused prank: Knoxville dressed up as an old man, although the "Buying a Scooter" stunt is priceless.

Scariest animal co-star
: Among the intimidating bees, bulls, boas, buffalo and rams, the worst are the big, black scorpions that go for the face in the "Pontius the Barbarian" gag.

Best combination of stunt and soundtrack: "Electric Avenue" isn't just an Eddy Grant song, but a gauntlet of high-voltage stun guns and cattle prods. (After making it through, Bam Margera declares that stun guns have become the thing he hates most in the world, followed by bulls and snakes. And as the film reveals later, he's more afraid of snakes than Indiana Jones.)

Best sport: Jiggly, high-voiced Preston Lacy (who's like a kamikaze version of "Modern Family's" Eric Stonestreet), who submits to countless indignities, including having a field goal kicked in his face, wrapping himself in plastic and walking a treadmill to provide the "sweat cocktail" and allowing a pig to eat an apple from his ass — and still proving able to stand up and show affection to his castmates.

Best use of 3-D: Not counting the scenes filmed on soundstages at the beginning and end, the dildo and flatulence-powered party noisemaker aimed at the audience.

Most overexposed: G-string wearing Chris Pontius frequently reveals his, um, little Pontius, at one point tying a model helicopter to it, with uncomfortable results.

Best retro touch: The 1980s-era MTV logo and music, which makes the cameo from MTV's dimwitted cartoon duo an anticlimax by comparison.

Queasiest cast-mate: Documentarian Lance Bangs, who frequently vomits at the disgusting antics, once over his own camera.

Most cinematically artful touch: The use of super slow-motion replays that show how malleable the human face can be while taking a punch.

Most gag-inducing gag: When you see the little model train landscape, just look away, unless you really like bodily fluids. And solids.

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