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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Attention, liberals: Meet your new overlords!

What are you lookin at, hippie?
  • What are you lookin' at, hippie?
It's a brand new day, Georgia. Deal with it! Yes, I'm sure that phrase won't get old over the next few months.

I must admit that, last night, while wandering around the ballroom of Buckhead's Grand Hyatt — the Pachyderm Palace, if you will, the Dumbo Dome, the Large Mammalian … oh, never mind… Anyway, while mingling among the gleeful GOP, I felt twinges of what can only be described as liberal white guilt. Wearing a navy blue blazer, striped tie and wingtips, I realized I could easily have been mistaken for one of the reveling Republicans, but for my facial scruff and the fact that I wasn't smiling. I almost yearned for someone to point at me, Invasion of the Body Snatchers-style, and yell, "How did you get in here, long hair?" Except that my hair is actually neatly above my ears.

Other random thoughts occurred to me as I strolled the hall. For instance, the half-dozen black folks who were there — what do they get out of belonging to the GOP? I'm actually being serious about this. I can understand why millionaires might want to become Republican, but I've never been able to figure out the potential benefits for non-millionaire African Americans. If you, dear reader, are an African American Republican, please feel free to fill me in. (If, instead, you are Pistol Pete, I probably don't need your speculation about the mindset of black Republicans.)

Since I'm rambling, allow me to note just how many elephant-themed neckties were on display last night. State Rep. Joe Wilkinson of Sandy Springs was sporting one, but for sheer partisan chutzpah, you gotta appreciate the elephant balls it takes to wear the bow tie seen in the above photo. In your face, Fidel! Here, we'll give you a closer look:


Notice how we concealed the identity of the two Young Republicans pictured. In case they eventually grow out of their Tucker Carlson phase and decide to join the Peace Corps or work for public TV, we wanted to make sure this photo didn't screw them for life.

Well, if you've gotten this far, you deserve a payoff, so I'm going to link you to an article I wrote back in the wake of Bush vs. Kerry entitled, How to cope, post-election 2004: Free-range chicken soup for the liberal's soul. It's my hope that you'll find these tips for dealing with an election loss as useful now as they were then, which is to say, not much. Still, here's a brief excerpt:

Write a book: You know what they say: Get it down on paper. The best way to work through your issues is to confront them through written introspection. And once you've finished, there's wicked cash to be made in publishing your half-baked, quasi-political rantings. Have you looked at the New York Times best-seller list lately? If Ann Coulter can make millions writing "nonfiction" books, then you're Alexis de Tocqueville.

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