Buckhead Coalition uses money, guilt to get bronze turtles back

• waymarking.com

Since early last month, the multi-piece statue known as “The Storyteller” that sits in Charlie Loudermilk Park in Buckhead, has been short three bronze turtles. The Buckhead Coalition is offering money for the safe return of the 75-pound, solid metal reptiles — and if cash isn’t incentive enough, they hope good old-fashioned guilt will do the trick.

Commissioned by the Coalition in 1998 for $200,000, Alabama-based artist Frank Fleming’s bronze sculpture depicts a freaky half-man-half-deer (or, we guess 3/4-man-1/4-deer) telling a rabbit, three dogs and six turtles the legend of how Buckhead got its name (which, by the way, is a terrible story about a disembodied buck’s head being found hanging near what used to be Irbyville in 1838). Around Oct. 1, someone absconded with half of the turtles. The Coalition filed a police report, but with no leads in the case, they’ve announced they’re offering a $2,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the turtle thief (or thieves), or $500 for each, unscathed turtle.

And then there’s this:
In addition, the culprit may feel some regret when he or she learns that Buckhead elementary students, grades K-2, are being called upon to do heartfelt essays on “Why We Want Our Turtles Back,” with the winning school receiving a $250 award.

You hear that turtle thief? Small children are being forced to write bullshit, busywork essays for a measly 250 bucks (pun intended).

Haven’t you caused enough hurt? Give the turtles back already.