ATLien since: 1990
Comedian since: 2008
A lil' joke: "I will have sex with a girl that's ugly as sin, as long as that sin isn't gluttony."
Fri., Dec. 3 - Comedy Gold
Sat., Dec. 4 - Comedy Gold
>> Wikileaks founder Julian Assange tells Forbes that his upcoming leaks released early next year "could take down a bank of two...like the Enron emails." Meanwhile, while the U.S. is investigating whether they can press charges against Assange, an Australian citizen based in Sweden, under the Espionage Act, Ecuador has offered Assange residency. This is what Assange thinks of the U.S. pressing charges. (Forbes, the Christian Science Monitor, BBC News)
>> A 15-year-old boy carrying a loaded handgun held 23 of his classmates and a teacher hostage at Marinette High School in northeast Wisconsin yesterday. The boy made no demands and the hostages were released unharmed, but the gunman shot himself once police entered the classroom. (the New York Times)
>> Because Netflix shockingly represents up to 20 percent of U.S. Internet traffic at peak times, Comcast has started to charge video streaming companies extra fees. Lets all stream "30 Rock" a little more consciously now, okay? (the New York Times)
>> And finally: 71-year-old French electrician Pierre Le Guennec unearthed more than 270 previously unknown works by Pablo Picasso that were authenticated by the Picasso Administration. The collection is worth about $80 million, but now Le Guennec faces a lawsuit from Picasso's heirs who say he stole the work. Not such a bright idea! (CNN)
A large chunk of Oaky Woods, the pristine patch of land in middle Georgia that years ago sparked a fiery debate over politics and land conservation, might finally be purchased by the state — at about double the cost it was offered nearly half a decade ago. A quick backstory, via Aaron Gould Sheinin:
Oaky Woods, besides a prime habitat for black bears, threatened plant species and extensive bottom-land hardwoods, is perhaps better known for its legacy in state politics. The 19,000-acre tract in Houston County stretches from the town of Kathleen to the Ocmulgee River. Gov. Sonny Perdue purchased 101 acres near his Houston County home in 2003, property that is near Oaky Woods. A timber company that owned the property offered it for sale to the state in 2004.Nearby property owners, including Perdue, saw their land values spike because of those plans — which sounded like Georgia's version of The Villages, that massive retirement community advertised on TV late at night. Thanks to the economic collapse, the vision never materialized. Next week, the state Department of Natural Resources is scheduled to begin the process of forking over bond funds to purchase nearly 9,600 acres of Oaky Woods — at the price of $3,000 an acre — that the state has leased since the 1960s. If the deal goes through, Sheinin says, Oaky Woods investors will have doubled their investment in six years. Read his entire report for all the details.
The state, however, decided it could not afford the asking price for the entire tract, despite an offer by The Nature Conservancy to bid $26 million for the property if the state agreed to buy it from the private environmental group later. It was sold instead for $32 million — about $1,600 an acre — to a group of investors who announced plans to build a huge residential and commercial development, including 30,000 homes.
Most notable: The Georgia Supreme Court Justice race between incumbent David Nahmias, a career federal prosecutor who helped send former Atlanta Mayor Bill Campbell and Olympic bomber Eric Rudolph to prison, and Tamela "Tammy" Adkins, a Lawrenceville family lawyer who, despite not accepting donations and maintaining a low profile, was somehow able to garner enough votes to trigger a runoff. If we lived in a hyper-political society that demands every damn election needs a storyline — or better yet, a "narrative!" — this contest would be known as "The Runoff That Should Never Have Happened."
As a means of playfully promoting their perennial takes on A Christmas Carol, the Alliance Theatre and Dad's Garage both present video clips of Ebenezer Scrooge outside his usual Victorian context. The Alliance has put together a whole series of Scrooge (Chris Kayser) in modern-day Atlanta, visiting such landmarks as Mary Mac's Tea Room, the Georgia Aquarium and The Varsity. The clip below builds to a pretty corny cameo, but local theater buffs will spot Lane Carlock, late of Actor's Express' Albatross:
Despite a lot of braining action early on (for you kids out there, I’m using “braining” in the classic sense, that is, to extract someone’s gray matter from the skull by force, in this case by pickaxe), this time out the zombie mayhem is kept to a minimum—strangely, even Atlanta only produces a single geek to menace our noisy caravan of heroes. It’s to the show’s credit that the squabble between white-hat Officer Rick (Team CDC) and black-hat Officer Shane (Team Benning) kept the attention of a viewer like me, who’s more in it for the zombie thrills than anything else. (Though I must say I probably wouldn’t have been so happy to sit through without the spectacular braining of Dead Ed by his long-suffering wife. Dig those skull-caving special effects!)
Following a press conference called by Chief George Turner, it's being reported that the APD believes it's found the dark colored SUV that was used in three recent crimes, including the shooting death of 39-year-old Charles Boyer in Virginia-Highland. One suspect in the crime spree is already in custody.
Today, GBI investigators discovered Boyer's cell phone and ID inside a 2005 Toyota Highlander that was found abandoned at the Lakewood MARTA station.
On Nov. 22, Boyer was approached by three men, then shot and killed during an attempted robbery outside a Virginia Avenue apartment complex (not far from the Midtown Promenade or Grady High). A witness reported seeing a dark colored SUV leaving the scene. The following night, a dark colored SUV was reported to have been seen leaving the scene or in the area of two more crimes, an attempted shooting of a man near Grant Park and a home invasion on Home Avenue.
The vehicle was initially stolen on Nov. 19 on Greenview Avenue. Two of the suspects were captured on surveillance camera at a nearby business. As of today, one of them was already in custody on unrelated charges.
Dr. Tiy-E Mohammad has become the scourge of my life, and Sheree's as well. After briefly dating, it finally came out that the "Love Doctor" is no doctor at all—gasp! All my ENT medical professionals and surgeons introduce themselves with nicknames like "Love Doctor" or "Dr. Feel Good." I have a check-up with Dr. Happy Pills pretty regularly. But Tiy-E's fraudulent resume finally broke the straw on the camel's back. In her defense, Sheree tried to have an open mind when dating Tiy-E, as much as she could. When he mentioned he was staying in a Holiday Inn, she held the vomit in her mouth, letting it rot her teeth, instead of spewing all over him. That's sweet. And when he made a crappy dinner instead of taking her out to a five-star meal, she tried to convince herself it was endearing. But this lying about a doctor thing has got her twisted.
Meeting at local favorite Highland Bakery, she went for it: "You say you’re a 'doctor,'" Sheree says, to which he quickly comes back with "You say you're a 'woman.'" In Tiy-E's masculine, defensive mind, proving you're a doctor is as impossible as proving your women. But actually, it's really easy to tell. See, if you have a vagina (powdered-sugared or not), you're a woman. And if you have a PhD, you're a doctor. Easy peezy. Sheree begrudges that "not once" did Tiy-E invite her to breakfast, lunch or dinner since he had been back in town, to which he replied "Why does a man have to feed you to talk to you?" But Tiy-E, wait. Wasn't your whole spiel to let a man feel like the man, opening ketchup bottles and all? That's what you probably wrote your whole "PhD thesis" on! So what happened to that theory? Sheree pointed out that Tiy-E is very "tit-for-tat" and that's exactly right. If I buy you dinner, what are you going to do for me? If I spend $15 on you, you owe me. I hate people like that because they're so not fun to go out to dinner with, plus they resent you your whole natural life.
Finally, Tiy-E pulled out his "PhD papers," otherwise known to actual doctors as a diploma, folded up on cheap white printer paper from his pocket, but he wouldn't show it to Sheree. Finally, after the acerbic break-up was complete, Tiy-E told her "peace and love" with the sleaziest grimace, did a kiss-peace sign (gross!!!) and walked off. You have to hand it Sheree, I would have punched him in the face. Okay, I take it back, men may be from Mars, but Tiy-E is straight up Uranus. Zing!
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