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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Ben's Sports Take: 14 days until Opening Day


Here are the next seven things that have to go right for the Atlanta Braves in 2011 if they want to win the World Series.

Let's take a peek at necessary outcomes 14-8, shall we:

14. Don't leave Tommy Hanson in the sun...or in California
—Pinpoint fastball control and a devastating slider aren't the only attributes possessed by the Braves' 24-year-old hurler. Hanson's resemblance to one late night talk show host is downright undeniable and although they share the same shade of auburn locks and the fairest of skin tone, the intense mid-July sun can wreak havoc on their poor, unsuspecting flesh. Solution? SPF 30.

13. Bald is beautiful
—All-star starter Tim Hudson has been rocking the bald look for the past few seasons and it's probably time for the Braves all-star catcher to get on board as well. Brian McCann has been struggling with hair loss seemingly since his rookie season. Now that he appears to have corrected his vision problems, it may be time to take a Mach 3 to that dome of his.

12. Time for Moylan to shed the sleeves
—Setup man Peter Moylan has been in Atlanta for almost five years now and unless you're a die hard Braves fan or an avid follower of his blog, you're probably unaware of the serious arm ink this guy possesses. However, ever since Moylan made the pilgrimage from Australia back in 2006, he's chosen to cover up those bad boys with navy sleeves whenever he enters a game. How much more devastating would that sidearm sinker be if it came from this guy?

11. No more kisses for O'Flaherty
—Reliever Eric O'Flaherty spent the better part of a month last season dealing with mononucleosis, more commonly referred to as the "Kissing Disease", and the Braves were without perhaps their best left-handed specialist. In order to guarantee that O'Flaherty doesn't suffer from the same infection in 2011, he should be prohibited from any saliva contact of any sort—regardless of the attractiveness of his apparent girlfriend.

10. Come up with a nickname for Brandon Beachy
—Although it appears that top prospect Mike Minor will claim the fifth and final spot in the Braves starting rotation, it seems as though Brandon Beachy will still be on the Opening Day roster. Thus, creating an opening on the team's nickname roster...I'm thinking: Brandon "Life's a Beach"y

9. Never underestimate the power of Medlen
—Despite spending the past several months recovering from Tommy John Surgery, utility pitcher Kris Medlen still possesses the most mysterious and powerful attribute of any Braves player: the Silvermark.

8. Hide Conrad's glove
—After last year's defensive debacle in game 3 of the Division Series, backup infielder Brooks Conrad's glove needs to be obliterated. His talents will be utilized in the batter's box and nowhere else, thank you.

Check out the first seven things that have to go right for Atlanta in 2011 right here.

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