This week we are down to the final six and learn immediately that the songs performed are by the one and only Carole King, whom I guarantee no one in the competition except for maybe Casey has ever heard of. They probably spent most of their research time saying to themselves, “Oh, THAT’S Carole King.” We also learned that Babyface would be joining Interscope Records Guy in the mentoring of the kids. I wonder, again, if any of them know who Babyface is (except, again, for Casey, because he’s really smart). On to the show.
The Good -
Casey Adams AND Haley Reinhart — “I Feel the Earth Move”
Holy gawd, my dreams have come true. Haley and Casey are performing a duet that people will actually get to vote on AND they’re singing what’s possibly Carole’s most well-known song, which is a sure-fire way to score some major votes. So the performance was super fun. On their own, they each rocked it like they do, but when they brought it back together for the chorus, it was a little frightening. They finished it off with an awesome ending harmony and SteTy went nuts.
Lauren Alaina — “Where You Lead”
Ok Ken Cook, you know I lurve you right? I know there’s some serious weather happening right now, but you’re making me miss Lauren’s entire mentoring video package. I guess tonight’s the night the wardrobe director was sabotaged by her intern and was somehow stuck underground. Lauren’s earrings were bigger than her face and her blueish cowboy boots completely clashed with her tie-dyed one-shoulder toga. The performance was actually pretty good for Miss Peach Fuzz. Notice I said “performance” there and not “singing.” RDog totes agreed with me AGAIN. I'm glad to see she stepped out of her pageant queen comfort zone.
Scotty McCreery — “You’ve Got a Friend”
Ken Cook, I’m glad you’re only interrupting the country singers thus far and Ima let you finish, but seriously you’re kind of chapping my ass right now. Anyway, I actually DIDN’T know that James Taylor didn’t write this song, so that was a nice surprise. Also a nice (but painful) surprise, is that Scotty did this song justice. Honestly, and y’all know I hate country, I really enjoyed Big Balls’ added twang. JLo made a good point that he did a great job of telling the story of that song. It pains me to say this, but I think he’s safe for another week. Unless America lost its mind after finding out Obama’s actually American.
Casey Abrams — “Hi De Ho”
This kid is simply brilliant. I can’t EVEN right now. Casey mixed a little of his Jack Black with a lot of Cab Calloway. There were trumpets and a piano and harmonicas and backup singers in mis-matched outfits. I feel like I’m in a Kerouac novel, and Casey is leaving me shivering for more.
Scotty and Lauren — “Up on the Roof”
FINE, Ken, I’m moving into the basement already, which is a bit ironic considering title of the the song that’s about to come on. Ok, really I’m sitting on the stairs leading to the basement, kind of like Lauren and Scotty are doing right now. Wow, Lauren looks really pretty sitting down. She also SINGS really well sitting down and is completely stealing the show from Scotty. HA! JLo complimented Scotty for singing great backup to Lauren. I don’t think that’s AT ALL what they were shooting for, but good on you Miss Peach Fuzz!
The Bad -
James Durbin — “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow”
KEN, I know it’s tornado-ing outside, but nothing is more important as American Idol. Ok, maybe General Hospital is more important, but you NEVER see Glenn Burns interrupting that shit. Honestly, y’all, I’m going to have to wait to watch this on Youtube, so bear with me. Ok, I really really really want to like this. I don’t. His voice is all over the map, kind of like that hail storm Ken Cook is talking about. James pulled it back compared to recent weeks, which was a breath of fresh air (like the blustering wind outside) but he left me feeling flat like the 2D map Ken’s referring to. I know, RDog, he probably WILL win the whole thing, but I really don’t think he should. Team Casey Forever!
Jacob Lusk — “Oh No, Not My Baby”
The rehearsal video of Jacob was ABYSMAL. I hope the cats aren’t around because I think they’re about to go tearing under the couch. Directly from the get go, the only thing that clashed more than his voice to the backup singers was his outfit. Does he think by mixing plaids with stripes would distract the viewers enough to not recognize that this is his most pitchy performance to date? Probably. Knowing America, it worked. Ok, SteTy thought it worked. This isn’t a good sign. JLo, too, was mesmerized. RDog FINALLY mentioned how flat a lot of it was, but then he brought it back around to how great the performance was. Next time I go in for a performance review at CLHQ, I’m wearing a plaid jacket and striped tie.
Haley Reinhart — “Beautiful”
My heart is kind of breaking right now. There were technically difficulties with Haley’s pitch protectors and to compensate for it, she’s not letting herself go. It’s really not good. I can’t even say anything else than that because this means that Haley is probably going home. I mean, at least SteTy told her he thinks he just heard God, so maybe he fooled America into voting for her, but then RDog kind of ruined her chances by saying he hated the beginning of it.
Jacob and James — “I’m Into Something Good”
So we’ve got to two shreakiest voices on the show doing a duet together. They came out dressed like they’re filming a new version of Twins and they did nothing but compete for the spotlight. It was a fight to see can get loudest, highest, hold the note the longest, no matter WHAT note ended up coming out. It was as if I had done a duet with myself. HAAAAAAAAAAA — SteTy was like, “I’m not sure if that was the most award-winning performance… but where were you going with that?” I know, right?!
Ok y’all, I’ll keep this brief. The group performance sucked ass. So did Crystal Bowersox. On to real results:
Haley is SAFE! OMG, America bought what SteTy was dealing! Either that, or they have done something else horribly, horribly wrong. Oh god, I hope Casey is ok. Scotty is, well I don’t know, because Seacrest Out left us hanging. Lauren is, well, I don’t know what Lauren is, either, and then Casey, who is… CHRIST I don’t know that, either! Dammit Seacrest! James is…safe. Next we learn Lauren is safe, which I’m kind of ok with, leaving Scotty, CASEY and Jacob to sit on the Stools of Shame. Oh yay! Bruno Marz is singing. He's so happy. Oh god. Jacob is safe. The suit distracted America! And the loser is….. CASEY ABRAMS??!?!? no. no. No. nO. NO NO NO! I have nothing else to live for. I’m sure my fiancé would be hurt by that, but I. HAVE NOTHING. LEFT. TO LIVE FOR. JLo is in tears and Casey’s going around kissing all the girls and grandmas and this gives me hope. Hope for the future. Casey will be the only person from this season to make a chart-topping album. You heard it here first, America. Even though I think you’re all a bunch of morons, you’ll realize in about eleven months when his album drops that you were all tragically wrong.
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