James Durbin — “Closer to the Edge” by 30 Seconds to Mars
This is another awful performance from James. He doesn’t know how to use his lower register AT ALL and just banks on his rock wail, which at times during this performance was spot on. The rest of the time it clearly was not on any spot whatsoever. I might be able to blame the producers for that one because the music seemed to be pumping through my TV pretty quietly compared to James’ vocals. However, that may mean that the music has been masking his inability to hold a note this whole time. He went on to sing “Without You” by Air Supply (!!!) and aw Christ, James is crying during the rehearsal. He’s a shoe-in. Pull it together, son! OK, performance time — it’s starting off spectacularly. He took my advice and pulled himself together and held all the tender notes in the beginning, but then totally lost it. I’m talking LOST it, y’all. He starting crying all over again and his voice suffered tremendously when he went in for the kill in the high notes. RDog said that it was all flat, but the emotion was there. And that’s why he’s going to win this competition.
Jacob Lusk — “No Air” by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown
Awful. Pitchy. Screamy. The cats are running around, humping everything. JLo blamed it on song choice and RDog was all like, “You shouldn’t be singing both parts of a duet song” and told him most of it was sharp. Thank Jebus they agree with me on this one. Horrible. The Interscope Records guy suggested he sing “Love Hurts” by Nazareth. This is either going to make or break this kid. If he can bring back the Gospel into this one, then it’s going to be pretty damn epic. To me, that’s EXACTLY what he just did. Jacob Mahalia Luther King Jr. is back in the building and the judges loved it, too, but is it enough to make up for the previous song?
Lauren Alaina — “Flat on the Floor” by Carrie Underwood
Sheryl Crow’s first comment was for Miss Peach Fuzz to stay put and not try to move around. Wait, isn’t that what she does every week? This week Miss Alaina done brought it! She hit all the notes and never fell flat, solidifying her place in the finals. Next up she sang “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers. My first question is: How are they going to edit this song into a two-minute version yet still keep the emotion in it? There were some points that were definitely not perfect, almost as if she forgot the lyrics due to said editing, but god was her voice spot on. There weren’t too many tricks and Lauren plain sang that song. It was nearly perfect.
Scotty McCreery — “Gone” by Montgomery Gentry
I can’t remember if Scotty has done a song as up-tempo as this thus far. If he has, then that’s about how memorable it was for me, but this one I think I’ll remember. It was a great performance. I hate myself for saying that. I’ve never heard this song, I don’t know who sings it, but Scotty did it well. It’s almost as if it was written for him. Next we heard Scotty sing “Always on My Mind” by Elvis Presley. We’ve all seen Scotty’s childhood photos of dressing as Elvis for 14 Halloweens in a row, so if he doesn’t kill this song, then it’s clear he’s been living a lie. In a nutshell, Scotty’s performance was perfectly album and radio-ready. It was simple and quiet and awesome. He’ll be here another week.
Haley Reinhart — “You and I” by Lady Gaga
EEEEEEEEK! How exciting! A song by Gaga that hasn’t been released yet that was brought to Haley by Interscope Records guy, and then the blessing was given TO Haley BY Gaga herself to sing it. Oh lawd, I’m so excited! Aside from the giant grammatical error committed when writing this song (Gaga, it should be “you and ME.” MEEEEEE!) Well for me, she killed it and JLo crapped all over it. And then Randy crapped all over it. They’re claiming that since no one knows this song, it hurt her chances of gathering votes and that Interscope Records guy led her down the wrong path. Goddammit, you guys, Haley is amazing! She performed it as if it were the last song of an encore before the house lights came up. And the judges took a giant dump all over it. I hate them right now for that. Then she sand “The House of the Rising Sun” by the Animals and Sheryl had the brilliant idea to start the song a cappella, which I die for, and it was totally the right call. I wish Haley had done the whole thing a cappella, because a couple of times her voice got lost in the music, but man, the rest of it was musical GENIUS, people. And HOLY SHIT, RDog said she had the BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT. Oh my god, they didn’t throw her under the bus like they love to do and maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to see her again next week.
The Results —
Honestly, y'all, I fast-forwarded through almost the entire show because the suspense was freaking killing me. I did stop to notice that Lady Antebellum showed up to pop/twang it out. OK, James is up first and he was asked to “start a group” on the other side of the stage. Lauren was then asked to stand on the near side. OK, Grover, while you’re having fun playing "Near, Far," I’m dying here. Aye carumba, JLo and Pit Bill are here to sing their new jam “On the Floor.” Fun! Jacob was asked to go stand with Lauren and Haley went to stand with James. WTF does this MEAN? Scotty went to join James and Haley AND THEY’RE ALL SAFE, AMERICA! Haley is safe! Awwww, but Lauren is crying like a baby. Poor thang. Dear sweet baby Jebus, please send Jacob home and let our Georgia peach stick around for another week. Whew, thank Jebus! Lauren is still here and Haley is still here and the Diva goes home.
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