Williams, unlike the animals he features, is not a dick. He's relaxed, down to earth and self-aware. (During our chat, he excused himself to help a couple of strangers find a nearby grocery store.) Moreover, he knows that Animals Being Dicks is a novelty, bound to be chewed up and spit out by the ADD-afflicted Internet masses. But in the meantime, he's trying to make some money. What started as a bored guy entertaining himself during a lonely weekend has turned into a legitimate business opportunity backed by an ad network tossing around six-figure goals.
When did you decide to make a website about animals being dicks?
The wife and kids went out of town, so I was at home alone and I was planning on playing [video game] L.A. Noire all weekend, but I finished it about a half hour after they left. I was just surfing around the Internet and I came across this [message board] thread of .gifs. There wasn't any real thought, but I figured it would be fun to curate it.
Are you a big fan of animals in general?
[laughs] I don't have anything against animals. I have two dogs. I've got a Dachshund-terrier mix named Milo; he's awesome, mostly nonexistent and he doesn't get into trouble. Then I've got this poodle named Lulu who's a complete asshole. She's miserable. She's super lovable and cute and all that, but she's neurotic. She's a spite-shitter. Like, she shits out of spite.
It sounds like Lulu's an inspiration for your website.
You know, I don't know if that's true or not. Maybe subconsciously. But yeah, we kicked her out of the bed one night and she just immediately shit on the floor. Always barks when I walk in the room. Only when I walk in the room.
Are you making any money on this?
No. Not right now. I hopefully will be soon. We've been in talks with a pretty major ad network, and contract stuff, it's just so foreign to me and it takes so long to make things happen. Luckily, I've got people helping me. I actually got the final agreement today. So hopefully by Aug. 1, I'll be able to have some ads on there. I try not to kid myself. This thing is a flash in the pan. I'm trying to do something with it. The ad network's performance goal is six figures of revenue per year. Again, though, can I keep the traffic up? Can I keep the impressions there? Can I keep it going for 12 months? But if I can get some dough, put it away and save it for a kid's college, I'll sell my soul. That's the idea. I'm not gonna lie; there are gonna be a lot of ads up there.
He didn't ask for any of this. She took it upon herself to start this…
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sarcasm, and the lost art therein.