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Friday, July 29, 2011

'Rescue Me' Final Season, episode 3: Planning a wedding is super!

Jeffrey Niera / FX
  • Jeffrey Niera / FX
Lou's fat, y'all. How fat is he? Well it looks to me that he's definitely gained a few lbs and is mostly made up the cream filling in a cannoli that's been sitting on the counter while Satan breathes on it for a few days. Gross. So, given the fact that the guys in the house put their asses on the line (right, Franco?) to make sure he passed his physical, Lou is still eating sugar-coated lard for breakfast in the fire house so Franco stages a coup. He was all, "Lou, WTF?! We just did this flipping awesome and career-threatening thing for you and you sit here and act like there's no issue" and Lou was all like "Look bra, I'm pulling rank and you can go ahead and STFU." Since Needles is clearly unaware of the antics at the hospital, he concurs with Lou and Franco walks away with his head between his sexy man legs.

Back in Tommy's world, Sheila, kid still out at therapy, is still besties with Janet and gives Tommy a lesson in empathy. And then lets him know that due to Janet's pregnancy-induced anal leakage she won't be feeling like doing the nasty (probably because she's got nasty covered for a while. #truth) for the rest of her gestational period. Of course Tommy finds a way to ram his foot in his mouth and he gets banned from the apartment, so what does he do? He goes and saves KELLY from a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad date. The gentleman caller is sent packing so they can have another heart to heart. So THEN he thinks it's a good idea to go back to her apartment, but still, they're just talking, which is in no way cheating on his anally leaking wife. End scene.

So this next part is my favorite part. Black Shawn and Mike are sitting on a couch looking at fabric samples for BS's impending doom lovely wedding with a swell girl when he gets a skreetch from the old lady to meet her at Amsale (jealous!) to help her pick out her gown. YAY! I love planning weddings! Did I mention I'm full swing in planning my own?! Well, because I'm so experienced I can tell you that this part of the story line is CLEARLY written by men. There's no way in Hades a bride-to-be would be seriously concerned about fabric samples before she's gone to look at dresses. Anyway, Mike and BS head to Amsale where Bridezilla flips her shit because BS hasn't called a photographer or something. What kind of vodka is she not drinking? Christ, if I asked my fiance to even think about Googling a photographer he'd look at me like I had ten heads and pretend the conversation never happened. So Colleen throws a temper tantrum because the dress she wants is a gazillion dollars over budget (um, helllooooo, you're at Amsale) and Mike steps in, whips up a dress idea garnered from a sample gown and a dream and saves the day. It's like every time a bride screams bloody murder, a wedding planner gets his wings.

Predictions for next week - Kelly and Tommy do nothing but talk again, Black Shawn grows a pair and tells Colleen to handle the wedding shit on her own, and Sheila drains Janet's hemorrhoids.

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