Thursday, August 11, 2011

'Rescue Me' Final Season, episode 5: Best.Episode.Ever

Posted By on Thu, Aug 11, 2011 at 5:13 PM

  • FX
This is the greatest episode ever. I'm 100% positive that I won't be able to convey that in writing, because while watching it all I could do was flap my hands around like a kid on Christmas instead of taking notes, but I'll try anyway.

Top brass comes in to suspend Tommy for thirty days for his outburst on Channel 6, and Franco assholishly announces that Pam Keppler, vapid reporter lady, is sniffing around everyone’s personal lives. When you've got a guy who's slept with his dead cousin's wife while his actual wife was banging his brother, a captain who married a Russian mail-order bride, a guy who married Maggie, a guy who is super gay, and a black guy marrying a white alcoholic that happens to be related to Tommy, that spells a lot of trouble for the house. That’s just when Mike calmly announces that he blew a guy FROM headquarters AT headquarters after a company Christmas party. His name is Doug, and he’s the out the crew needs to get the brass to step off their nuts and get Tommy back in the house (if only he could remember his last name. Or his real first name). Shocker, Franco brings the party down, again, and says he’s not going to have anything to do with the plan and Needles basically tells him to fuck off. Classic.

Pam Keppler, shows up at the fire house to record some B-roll, and explains to Needles that she’s about to blow Tommy’s life story out of the water, but the camera guy gives Needles a tip that Keppler has a covered-up DUI and he sicks Tommy on finding out what the deely-o. This is going to be good.

Tommy comes home to a room full of screaming females only to find out that Janet is somehow appalled that Sheila wants to pay for Colleen's wedding and this new dress that Mike found (that’s a measley 8 Gs). Instead of happily accepting such a wonderfully generous offer like any sane person would, Janet goes all apocalyptic on Sheila (also because Sheila insists that Mickey not be at the wedding), causing Colleen to bum rush the liquor cabinet which makes other daughter flip out. So then Tommy finds his balls again. He lays down the LAW, son! He demands that Janet calm the f down and let Sheila pay for anything she wants, and that Mickey will certainly be invited to the wedding AND that her kid will never walk again (that was way harsh, Ty) and then tells them what happened at work and how they're all going to work together as the dysfunctional family that they are to get his job back and shut up Pam Keppler, forever ever. And this is how it goes...

Sheila sets up an interview with Pam to talk about how devastated she was after Jimmy died, and of course the B digs right in to try to pry out some dirt, to which Sheila describes in particular detail how amazing the sex with Tommy was and precisely how many times and where they did it and for how many years, etc. A stunned Pam is practically speechless when Sheila pulls out her phone and hold it in front of the camera and hits play on a video of Pam blowing a cop, aptly nicknamed Loch Ness, in his squad car in order to get out of being arrested for possession of cocaine. BOOM goes the dynamite. And THEN, Sheila pops on over to FDNY HQ to have a meeting with the two assholes who went by the firehouse to suspend Tommy and the mysterious Doug guy that Mike had relations with, in Doug's office. She takes off her jacket, walks over to a secret cabinet in his sideboard that flips open to reveal a bottle of Goose, among other high-end boozes, pours herself a shot and slams it, then slides over to his desk where he likes to keep a pair of handcuffs, to which Sheila says "But you're not a police officer." And then BOOM goes the dynamite. Tommy's off the hook and can go back to work, Pam is out of their hair and now we can focus on this massive wedding that Sheila's about to buy. *EEEEEEEEEEK*

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