"No, your blood is."
"Oh stop. Little ol' me? You're, like, the best blood of my life."
"Lets drink each other's blood forever!"
There will be
blood snowy sex as Sookie and Eric finally consummate their amnesia-induced love for each other. After getting high off each other's blood, the two Aryan dream-boats have an Ecstasy-like shared sex fantasy in a wintry yet sunny wonderland. But it wasn't all love and love-making in Bon Temps. No, there's Antonia on the loose.
As we leave her last week, super sexy teen Jessica is about to meet the True Death under a spell cast by Antonia to walk into broad daylight. Jason hears of this and runs to her rescue just in the nick of time—it's amazing how everyone in Bon Temps is always just in the nick of time. He pushes her back inside and on the floor. But don't vampires have super-human strength? She could easily fling his body away, but the sexual tension, oh the tension. She's about to bite into him, slowly, mindlessly, when Antonia and the others stop chanting. "Oh my!" Jessica whispers as she realizes she's about to kill the one she loves. Jason tries to calm Jessica after her near-death experience: "Think about a hot summer day, barbecuing," he coos to her before realizing that the scenario would be deadly to her. After a drink from a "donor" offering Jess blood to heal, they later go back to the dungeon where she is re-silvered in case Antonia casts another spell.
Jess is over Hoyt. O-V-E-R. She goes back to the home they share where Hoyt begs Jessica to stay, but she only has Jason, Hoyt's best friend, on the mind. Hoyt pleads and says he can't live his life without Jessica. "Fine," Jessica says, and slams him head against the counter, instantly killing him. Oh wait—that was just a vampire dream! I don't think this fantasy was just for shock value, though. Jessica is a teenager, a sexy teen but a teen no less, and when you want to break up with someone, you do kind of just want to kill them in the face. Sure people have sex fantasy, but sometimes the most desirable fantasies are of people wanting you. In real life, though, it didn't go so well for Jessica. Hoyt and Jason both rescinded their house invitations after she confessed her true feelings to them. Sounds like Jessie Bessie will be in a vulnerable state for next week's episode.
Antonia/Marnie's (Mantonia?) spell did kill one vampire. Maxine Fortenberry's neighbor Beulah, a closeted vamp, didn't get word to silver herself and burned in broad daylight. "I always thought she could have been a vampire," gossips disgusto Fortenberry. Bill glamours a TV reporter to tell local news that Beulah's "vampire suicide" was not caused by a witch, but the far right's anti-hate rhetoric. That Bill knows the power of media. When Andy Bellefleur saw the gooey vampire body, he nearly drank the blood off the ground in front of everybody at the crime scene. "What the fuck is happenin to me?" Andy asks. Oh Andy, you have no idea what's in store. You have your baby-killing ancestor to thank for that.
Lafayette is a medium—didn't you know? Lafayette can see the Creole woman's spirit who is haunting Arlene and Terry's baby. So maybe this cursed demon child has nothing to do with Rene's murdery spirit (unlikely). In "True Blood" fashion, the woman's accent is bizarre and not authentic sounding at all. The Creole woman had a baby with her white master nearly a century ago, but the white man, who I believe to be a Bellefleur, killed the baby because it was socially unacceptable. She was holding that creepy baby doll to bring home when she heard the news. The Creole spirit inhabits Lafayette's body—why not—and goes into the Bellefleur plantation, picks up Andy's gun, and grabs the baby. Lafayette and this Creole woman share the same big eyes.
While Mrs. Fortenberry is rubbernecking, Tommy goes into her house, steals her garish makeup and clothes, shape-shifts into the white trash woman and meets the land appraiser hoping to score millions, Tommy's dreams are dashed when he learns the deal isn't as big as he hoped. Still, he played a disgusting Tommy-as-Maxine, complete with nose snuffing and cursing. The first time Tommy shape-shifted into Sam, it put him in the hospital. Will he get better at it over time, or will it eventually kill him? Can you go your life pretending to be something that you're not?
Blah blah blah werewolves. The leader of Alcide's new pack warns not to get involved with vampires, and Debbie makes Alcide promise to stay away from Sookie because vampires are part of her "baggage." But the heart wants what it wants.
"You're a warrior."
"No, you're a warrior."
Sookie and Eric's three-day epic love affair continues when they convince themselves they need to fight alongside Bill against the witches. Sookie shows up at the Compton house looking like a "Sister Wife" in what might be the weirdest moment of the episode. "If my friends, who are vampires, are dying, then that involves me," the warrior faerie states, adding it's worth dying for something you believe in. War is a-brewin'.
Marnie and Bill agree to meet at the cemetery at midnight to talk over a truce, though neither side is feeling particularly tree-hugging. Sookie telepathically hears that Mantonia is chanting a spell in her head, and then cheesy fog hell breaks loose! Bill's human security team jumps out, pointing their lasers at her, while everyone else is getting bit or silvered. As Pam is about to kill Tara, Bill intervenes, commanding Pam (who is looking much better post-injections) to never touch her. "This. Is. So. LAME!" exclaims Pam. Sookie gets shot in the stomach to the internal alarm of both Bill and Eric, but it's Alcide who comes to her rescue. This war is turning people against each other, including best friends Tara and Sookie. But who's right? Is there a correct side in war? Both deserve to live, but both have killed. But this vampire-witch war isn't allegorical or anything.
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