Monday, November 14, 2011
Free Shit Make me laugh, win tickets to tonight's Brew HA-HA
Posted by Debbie Michaud @DebsMichaud on Mon, Nov 14, 2011 at 1:47 PM
A. Beer/drinking
B. Laughing
I'll be there to introduce host Jimmy Baron, who'll emcee a chat with author and former "Daily Show" producer David “D.J.” Javerbaum and Shmaltz Brewing Company founder and author Jeremy Cowan. Curt Holman spoke with Javerbaum last week about his new book The Last Testament: A Memoir by God and the author offered an inside look at working with the Almighty:
He’s not very pleasant. He’s like the Old Testament God. He would come over and expect me to work at all hours. I’d be working on a screenplay or a TV pilot, and He’d come in at 3 a.m. and demand that I work. He’s big on divine inspiration, because He IS divine inspiration. I would type at the keyboard while He spoke, or sometimes He’d take over my body and type at the keyboard Himself.
Read CL beer dude Austin L. Ray's interview with Cowan and his new memoir Craft Beer Bar Mitvah here.
That's the Ha Ha part. For the Brew, there'll be a He'Brew Kosher craft beer tasting. Fun starts at 7:30 p.m.
Now back to the original reason for this post: FREE TICKETS. I got two pairs, all you have to do is make me laugh. The two commenters with the best jokes by 4 p.m. get the goods.
Comments (12)
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I know I'm going to trip over this exceedingly low bar— that in and of itself is comedic...
The only observation is that shmaltz is rendered chicken fat, a decidedly unappealing namesake for a brewery. What IS Cowan— if that is his real name— trying to tell us. Is he an errand boy for the rothschilds? The reptilians? The 5 jewish brewers who control all alcohol production?
Mandrake, have you ever wondered why I only drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure grain alcohol...
TADA!
I have a go-to one that just seems all TOO SOON after Penn State. Like, number 17 on my list of things that make me angry about those sick bastards is that they took that joke from me.
How about a bad-joke classic from Louis CK: What do you call a baby cat with crap all over it? A shitten.
Another one, from some comedy documentary I saw, which works better in person to get the inflection right:
A traveling salesman knocks on the door. Door opens, and a 5-year-old kid is standing there with a lit cigar and four fingers of scotch. The salesman, taken aback, says, "Oh, my, I'm sorry young man, but are your parents home?" The kid replies, "What the fuck do YOU think?"
So a pirate ship Captain has been sailing the 7 seas for many years with only his fellow shipmates as companions, who hardly qualify as polite society. Realizing this renders him a little rough around the edges, when the captain receives a telegram that Midshipman Abernathy's Mother has died, he stays up all night long to think of the most sensitive way to break the news. The next morning, he wakes the crew and lines them up on the deck. "Everyone whose Mother is still living," the captain says as delicately as he knows how, "please step forward." "Not so fast, Abernathy."
Q: "What's black and white and red all over?"
A: "A newspaper! ... You know, a newspaper! ... See, years ago they had these things called 'newspapers,' which were like websites but printed on paper..."
This one's a true story:
I have a buddy that looks a bit like Peter Griffin (Family Guy). We got it in our heads that we wanted to recreate the infamous "chicken fight" scenes from the show, film it and put it online for sh*ts & giggles. We bought a chicken costume and we were all ready to film that Sunday. Friday night, "Peter Griffin" had a party at his house. He and some of our friends got REALLY drunk. In their inebriated states they thought it would be a good idea to "practice". One guy put on the chicken costume, and three guys took turns play fighting with him. It got rather hot fighting in the costume inside, so they took it outside to the front yard. It was the middle of the night, and there was snow on the ground. The attackers put on ski masks to stay warm, and because they thought it would be funny. Then one of the guys brought out toy guns, because he thought that would be funny. The 10 cop cars that surrounded them a few moments later didn't find it so funny. They all ended up on probation, and they had to stay out of chicken costumes for 6 months! The costume ended up in the coop for 8 months. :P Google "Chicken Suit Incident" for the news article.
Q: What's the last thing they do to Tickle Me Elmo before he leaves the factory?
A: They give him two test tickles
And the commenter that made me laugh the most that isn't currently employed at Creative Loafing is ... joaneyfresh! I'm giving the second pair to zedsmith because his joke-telling skills will probably benefit the most from listening to professionals do it. joaney, zed, check your inboxes for instructions on the event and picking up your tickets. Thanks for playing!
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