I'll be the schmuck in this get-up. Please don't assault me (with your fists or your laughter) ...

In fact, buy me a beer. I'm gonna need it (hyuck, hyuck — I'm saying that because my team's no good, see?).
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Can't believe she's missing the Christmas party at the office. I mean, we have DRINK TICKETS. Not just one. TWO of them.
Sorry for the drubbing. Perhaps next time you can do some Tebowing and the heavens will grace the Jags with a victory. Little know fact: Tewbowing in front of a hot dog stand will cover the spread.
Hey, QM, I know you'll hate me for this: Gwynedd had asked me to take a picture of her in her little jersey, but I was on the phone, so it didn't get done. You're just gonna have to let it go, dude.