Walmart flasher incident raises important questions

Shopping at Northwest Georgia Walmart stores is becoming unsafe. If you don’t impale yourself on a syringe that some sociopath hid in the pocket of a pair of sweatpants, then some other sociopath is going to whip his dick out while you’re browsing the latest in synthetic leather footwear.

From WSBTV:
Police are looking for a man who exposed himself to a shopper at a Walmart in Dalton.

Investigators released a surveillance photo of the suspect as he entered the store on Shugart Road last Thursday evening.

A woman told police she was in the shoe department when a man got her attention and exposed himself. The man then walked away and met another woman, who he left with after making a purchase, police said.

I’ve been flashed before. Whilst driving. On Christmas Eve, no less. It’s uncomfortable. But the question in this situation is: Which is worse? Being the lady who got penised in the shoe aisle ... or being the lady who’s with the guy who penises people in the shoe aisle?

Answer: The latter, obviously. The flashee will eventually shed the residual mental images of that penis. The flasher’s ladyfriend, on the other hand, is currently oblivious to the fact that when the man with whom she spends time — her husband, her boyfriend, her brother? — slinks off to, I don’t know, go look at Tasmanian Devil mud flaps, he’s actually exposing his mud flap to unsuspecting women. Worse, she’s probably going to find out when someone informs her that her picture is posted on a regional news outlet’s website.

And, by the way, if you’re ever traveling on I-475 and notice a black Toyota 4Runner with a UGA front plate pacing you, DON’T LOOK OVER.