Friday, January 27, 2012
Sex Zoo Atlanta is hoarding baby animals
Posted by Gwynedd Stuart @gwynnstu on Fri, Jan 27, 2012 at 5:05 PM
You know how many baby animals I have in my tiny, rancid apartment? No baby animals. Not one. Just a smelly old yellow lab and an adult house cat who I'm pretty sure is plotting to kill me.
AND NOW I KNOW WHY. Zoo Atlanta has all of them.
A press release sent out today says 259 animals (!) were born at Zoo Atlanta last year. And one of them is a "chinchilla no bigger than a chicken egg." Here. Read this while I clean up the mess my ovaries just made when they exploded ...
Members and guests may have heard plenty about Sohni and Sanjiv the tiger cubs, Lily the giraffe, Merry Leigh the gorilla, or Beauregard the bongo, but these were just five of the babies born at Zoo Atlanta in 2011. In fact, nearly 260 little ones were born or hatched in what proved to be a banner year for births at the Zoo.New arrivals represented species from across the animal kingdom, from a chinchilla no larger than a chicken egg, to a foursome of unusual aquatic snakes, to a bevy of little whistling ducks. Of the year’s 259 babies, 56 were mammals, 121 were reptiles, 81 were birds, and one was an amphibian. In many cases, the bundle of births gave visitors a chance to observe the many faces of parenthood in the Zoo. Kateena the red kangaroo joey, for example, grew from the size of a jellybean in her mother’s pouch; Betelgeuse the wreathed hornbill fed his offspring and mate through a tiny slit in a mud nest; and the 62 Burmese black tortoise hatchlings had no parental care whatsoever.
Frankly, it's hard for me to get excited about baby reptiles and birds, but it's very easy for me to get excited about the baby mammal porn the zoo included in the email (VSFW):
Lily, the giraffe-and-giant sock puppet hybrid ...
Merry the gorilla, whose eyes are sparkling pools of gourmet chocolate ...
This picture is so close to being actual porn ...
Sohni and Sanjiv, who I'd very much like to wear as slippers ...
Seriously, Zoo Atlanta, if having all of these youngsters around ever gets overwhelming, I'll take them off your hands.
Comments (5)
Showing 1-5 of 5
This is the funniest article I have read in a looonng time! Thank you and I will be looking for more of your work! LOL!
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hmmm. is there some sort of "cute animal" quote that has to be met by CL?
and i respect ms stuart's right to earn a living and all, but is writing stories about baby kangaroos really the reason she went to college? i guess i just don't get it.
Nah, I didn't go to college to write about baby animals. Nor did I go to college to write about cocaine use by criminals. I went to college to become a writer, and I just happen to be lucky enough to work for a publication that allows me to write about what interests me, and sometimes make jokes about those things.
Thank you for respecting my right to earn a living, even if we don't agree it's hilarious/adorable to see baby kangaroo holding its tail like a giant erect penis.
well, if you'd mentioned kangaroo penis in the original article, i wouldn't have said a thing. who doesn't love that?
and you're right about your house cat - definitely trying to kill you. probably while you're sleeping. or passed out drunk.
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