If you haven't been reading my weekly recaps of ABC's (s)hit reality show "The Bachelor," WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN READING MY WEEKLY RECAPS OF ABC'S HIT REALITY SHOW "THE BACHELOR?" Just kidding. You don't read them because you don't watch the program because it's terrible, soulless, and tailor-made for terrible, soulless people like me. Again, I'm just kidding. Keep reading my recaps, people who read them!
Anyway, it's safe to assume that readership of my recaps would improve exponentially if the program was more wholesome, and starred small, adorable animals instead of desperate 20-somethings who are willing to tongue kiss on national television. The Georgia Aquarium answers our prayers with penguins ...
The Fantasy Suite episode is gonna be so hot.
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