Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Newt Gingrich continues to live the life I want

Posted By on Wed, Mar 21, 2012 at 12:40 PM

I'm pretty serious about this. Newt's life is pretty amazing right now. Except for the fact that Newt's campaign is in debt, which suggests that, like me, he receives (and doesn't answer) daily phone calls from unidentified 800 numbers. (This list of debts here is pretty great, right down to the $666 he owes the Mason City Police Department.)

So that's not ideal. But it's the way he handles being in debt that I find so fantastic. Despite blowing through a ton of cash and having no chance at the nomination, he has no problem going back to his sugar daddy for more money! As Politico notes:

The billionaire casino mogul [Sheldon Adelson] and his wife, Miriam, contributed $5.5 million of the $5.73 million Winning Our Future raised in February, federal campaign finance documents filed tonight show.

That's in addition to the *$10 million* they donated in January. Do you know the balls it takes to go back and ask for another $5 million after you've blown through twice that in a month? The man is 5 feet, 10 inches and 250 lbs of swagger.

The best thing though is that he's using that money to basically take his dream vacation. His supporters are defecting to Romney, his campaign staff is confused and disheartened, but does he care? Hell no! Worrying is for the unawesome. Instead, he's eating at Galatoire's, checking out the cherry blossoms, strolling through parks and zoos, visiting historical sites and tourist attractions. Yeah, he's doing it with his wife, which kinda sucks for him, I'm sure, but still! He's basically figured out a way for a batshit billionaire to fund his lifestyle. This is my fervent dream.

And when he's called on it? Blame the elite media! Suggest NASA is following his lead! Attack Obama! Make a statement that has no relation to reality like ...

So I'm staying in the race because I really do think it's a question of who can beat Barack Obama.

... and continue your world tour. No kidding, I love that man.

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